Who is not afraid of a troubled mother-in-law? From the first months of dating you can already have an idea if the mother in law is sweetheart or will give you a headache for the rest of the days of your relationship with her child. Fortunately, you can detect early on if she has attitudes that indicate that she will cause you problems in the future and you will learn how to identify this dreaded mother-in-law.
One of the signs she can give that will be a problem for you is when she doesn't give you the space you need. If she is always with you, does not leave you alone, does not let you travel without her, is always infiltrating the affairs of the couple this is a strong indication that in the future she will be deciding the color of the sofa in your living room. Everyone should have their space, just as you should not invade hers, nor should she invade yours. If this happens, keep an eye out.
Another sign that your relationship may become complicated because of your mother-in-law is the dependence between mother and child. If he depends on her for everything or if she depends on him for everything, you may have problems at some point. Unfortunately, it is difficult for some mothers to admit that their child is already independent and has a will of their own, so they maintain a relationship with him as if he were still a child. If he realizes this and does nothing, the problem will extend into the future.
Also, if the mother shows a strong dependence on him for everything, treating him as if he were almost a husband, the problem may be even greater. This type of relationship is very common in families where the mother is alone because she is single or widowed. In such cases, counseling should be sought from a psychologist because the situation may have become a pathological condition.
Some mothers also try to keep their children close (and their daughters-in-law apart) by doing some kind of drama, like the popular "you never come to see me", "you don't care about me anymore". When this gets even stronger, her mother-in-law may even end up creating conditions like illnesses that she doesn't have to get her child's attention. Again, it's his case to take a stand on it and show her that he loves her and that she doesn't have to do this kind of drama to get her attention.
If your mother-in-law is very jealous it is possible that this will get worse over time. Although your relationship with him is totally different, it is very common for her to suffer from being? Leaving him? for you. This can cause many bouts of jealousy, she may want to draw a lot of attention and dispute his presence with you. If you are not careful, he may end up wanting to live with you at her house. Usually, jealousy and attention-grabbing drama are related.
Another thing that can shake your relationship is idealization. If your mother-in-law idealizes you and considers you the best, will she probably not be content with any daughter-in-law? neither you nor any other will be good enough. She may end up turning you against you and suggesting that you don't deserve it. Watch out if you suspect this may be happening.
Most of these problems can be avoided if he takes a stand. It's no use you wanting to change your mother-in-law's attitudes through messages sent by your child, through indirect or little games. Be the best daughter-in-law possible, but at the same time encourage your man to gradually cut off the excessive and uncontrolled relationship his mother has with him. This does not mean that he should sever relationships with her, but that their relationship must be healthy, without dependence, jealousy or excessive drama.
Another problem is when in-laws like this spoil their children too much. In this case, is it not her, but the child she raised? the person you are relating to. Spoiled children will be spoiled husbands, spoiled boyfriends. They will want to sit in the living room while you cook and will still complain if the food is bad. And even worse: they'll want you to cook just like mom. Want a worse nightmare for a wife? If you don't want to spend your life treating him like a "little boy," you better get out of this soon.
As for the mother-in-law, if even if he is taking action the situation does not change then the decision to continue or not the relationship will be in his hands. Think about whether this situation is worth it or if it is best left. Whatever your decision, do not force him into anything or disrespect or badmouth his mother to him or anyone else, it would only make the situation worse and not polite at all.
4 tips for dealing with a difficult mother-in-law (January 2021)