When we get married, we make a commitment that is presumed to have an undetermined date to end, or? Only death do us part? reigns as justification for separation. We were brought up to the letter of the oath of that great day, and for the moment the lovers do not stop to think about the real possibility that this relationship might not work.
Marriage is the bond established between two people, through governmental, religious or social recognition and that presupposes an interpersonal relationship of intimacy, whose archetypal representation is cohabitation, although it may be seen by many as a contract. In Portuguese law, marriage is effectively defined as a contract.
Every process that involves the ceremony is surrounded by care, dreams that involve an infinite love where difficulties will be overcome, fears put aside, aromas that are triggered at the entrance of the bride and groom, websites with photos, memories of happy moments, this market that around marriage further endorses the hope of infinite love.
But in real life, marriage requires a great deal of commitment and tolerance, and only in daily life do we realize how difficult it is to sustain the pillars of a relationship, such as dating, where obligations were much easier to circumvent.
According to 2010 Census data released by the Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics (IBGE), the dissolution of marital unions has increased by about 20% in the last ten years in the country. From 2000 to 2010, the number of people involved in some sort of separation went from 11.9% to 14.6%.
For some reason, when love ends the separation appears as a way out, and it is not easy to assume the end of a commitment that involves so many factors, such as family, children, goods, friends.
In this process we find a lot of resistance even from the partner who often does not want separation. When the woman takes this attitude the resistance is even greater, as parents are often unsure about their daughter's new situation, as if marriage alone were a safe haven, regardless of the problems presented.
For the man who is not used to dealing with his emotions most of the time the process is even worse, because somehow the woman structures the house, coping with many situations that he never assumed, or that he needed little to participate in.
The floor opens, leaving only the desperation on how to experience this process, as deciding to separate often brings the feeling of failure, making it difficult to look at the situation more objectively.
At this moment therapy is an important ally of the couple, being able to work with both aspects that is leading to separation, trying a possible reconciliation of the couple.
By introducing a third party into the relationship that is not contaminated with the couple's grievances, the couple can show what this marriage has built up well and lead to important changes in the relationship.
Listening to each other is something that becomes difficult and within a therapeutic process the couple begins to reflect and seek solutions in common agreement, where they learn to dialogue with more affection, tolerance, seeking effective actions for marriage recovery.
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- Relationships
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