Most of the emails I get are from women who can't get over the end of a relationship and they see being alone as a losing battle.
It is part of our culture for women to be successful only if they have a partner, children, etc., no matter if she is happy alone, if she has college, graduate school, a good job, a great family, and super friends, none of this has value if she has no one on her side.
In children's drawings, movies and soap operas, everything ends in marriage, children and the famous "were happy forever". Even Vinicius de Moraes in his song Wave says that "it is impossible to be happy alone". And who has never heard such phrases as: "I'm looking for the lid of my pan?" or "half my orange".
We create the false idea that we are incomplete beings and so we will spend our whole lives trying to find that other half. As end of relationship (we lost) and are again 'incomplete', as if alone were a disability that causes shame and so it is common to avoid family parties afraid of? aunt? gossip? ask your boyfriend, shame on friends, neighbors and even the dog that makes that face that pity you. We hide, we blame ourselves and we suffer, we suffer a lot.
Often the pain is not for the person we lose, but for the solitude that caused. The point is that if we do not have happiness alone we will not be able to follow it, because the fear of loneliness It is so great that we stifle a relationship that could work (jealousy) or at worst accept any kind of relationship (violence).
I am not saying that we should be alone, but that our happiness cannot depend on each other, so we need to have emotional independence, which comes with better self-esteem. Got an afternoon off work? Why not enjoy the empty cinema or sit in a cafe to enjoy life, instead of going home because you have no company.
If you are alone by choice or chance of fate enjoy this moment to know, enjoy and love yourself, because no one will take better care of you than yourself.
Being Alone vs Being Lonely - What's the Difference? (January 2021)