Positive Discipline: Educate Your Child With Love and Affection

What mom and dad don't want to give their kids a great upbringing ?! However, in practice, this is not always easy. Many parents are unsure how to teach their children good values, how to encourage them to discover their abilities, how to guide them when they make a mistake, and so on.

In this sense, several families seek information about non-traditional ways of raising and educating their children. And among them is Positive Discipline, which is a program based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, which aims to encourage children and adolescents to become responsible and respectful.

Bernadette Rodrigues, educational and corporate consultant, one of the translators of the book? Positive Discipline? (to be launched in early March 2015), responsible for the Positive Discipline Brazil page, explains that, based on Dr. Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline books and several co-authors (Lynn Lott, Cheryl Erwin, among others), Positive Discipline teaches social skills and life skills for adults, children and adolescents.

Recent research shows that children are "programmed" from birth to establish connections with others, and which children who feel connected to the community, family and school tend to have less inappropriate behavior ?, says Bernadette.

According to the educational consultant, in order for them to become successful adults and to contribute to the good of their community, children need to develop life skills. "Positive Discipline is based on the concept of what discipline should be taught and what we learn from the discipline," he says.

Thiago Queiroz, creator of the Creation with Attachment on Facebook group, author of the blog Paizinho, Vírgula! , sensitive and respectful to their children. Today, he is certified as a leader by the Attachment Parenting International organization, and creator of the first official support group in Brazil, API Rio.

In fact, positive discipline is not a method, where there is a set of rules to follow for raising a child by a certain pattern. Positive discipline is another invitation to see the relationship parents have with their children in a different way: you see it as a relationship of respect and mutual learning, where you develop extremely important concepts such as empathy and compassion for the baby. ?, highlights.

“We (my wife and I) have been practicing Creation with Attachment since we understand each other by parents. And since positive discipline is part of Creation with Attachment, as one of its principles, it all works out so well, because it makes sense within the context of respectful and loving creation ?, adds Queiroz.

Positive Discipline vs. Traditional Discipline

This is often one of the biggest questions around the subject: What are the main differences between Positive Discipline and other child-rearing methods?

Queiroz explains that positive discipline differs from traditional discipline because it employs mutual respect first and foremost. It is a relationship of partnership, affection and understanding that is created between parents and children, where all parties are heard, acknowledged and, most importantly, that the needs of all family members are met, within the possibilities of each member. ?, he says.

He explains that positive discipline is more than just not slapping; "Any form of physical or verbal aggression is abolished for a very simple reason: when you beat your child, you are teaching him that problems are solved with aggression," he says.

But beyond that, positive discipline is also against punishment, punishment, bribery, and reward, Queiroz points out.?We seek to teach our children unconditional love, which does not depend on specific conditions to be loved. The sense of doing good is taught naturally, so that children do good without waiting for something in return?

The use of? No? discriminatingly is also something to be avoided, according to Queiroz. ? Because in a respectful relationship with anyone, we never say a simple and pure? No ?, we always explain our reasons and offer alternatives. Create a home with more? Yes? than? no? is it better for the whole family?

Positive discipline criteria

Bernadette explains that there are 5 Positive Discipline criteria:

1. Help the child feel connection: feel that you belong to the family / school and feel important.

2.Encourage mutual respect: firmness and kindness at the same time.

3. Run long term: Consider what the child is thinking, feeling, learning and deciding about themselves and their social environment? and what to do in the future to survive and to be successful.

4. Teach social skills and life skills: respect, care for others, problem solving and cooperation.

5. Encourage children to discover their abilities: encourage constructive use of personal power and autonomy.

Positive discipline tools

The question often arises: Where to start using Positive Discipline? Thinking about it, below Bernadette presents some tools:

1. Conquer the children instead of using their power to impose on them.
2. Stop saying? and start asking? in a way that invites children to participate in problem solving.
3. Remember that the feeling behind what you do or say is more important than what you do or say.
4. Involve the children in discussing the tasks that need to be done and a plan to accomplish them.
5. Avoid overprotection so that children can develop a belief in their own abilities.
6. Teach and practice the belief that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn.
7. Make sure the message of love is clear.

To whom is positive discipline recommended?

For Thiago Queiroz, positive discipline, as well as Creation with Attachment, is recommended to all families without limitations. Through this new look, full of empathy and compassion, parents realize that their children have needs, just as we all, whether physical or emotional. So, for example, if a child behaves aggressively, this is because this is the way she has found to communicate an unmet need. As soon as this need is met, does the child feel loved and safe again?

Where to look for Positive Discipline information and support?

Bernadette points out that there are numerous books on Positive Discipline, but all in English. Among them (written by Dr. Jane Nelsen and other authors):

• Positive Discipline
• Positive Discipline for Teenagers
• Positive Discipline in the classroom
• Positive Discipline A- Z
• Positive Discipline for Prsescholers

The association's website is also in English: Positive Discipline.

But you can find information on the Positive Discipline Brazil page.

Queiroz points out that, fortunately, today there are many initiatives that work to help fathers and mothers raise their children with more respect and affection. He cites some:

• The Grow Without Violence page, which is dedicated to positive discipline.
• Creation discussion groups with attachment and positive discipline.
• Your blog Daddy, Comma !, which is also dedicated to this purpose.

Tips for getting started

Thiago Queiroz gives key tips to parents who want to start applying Positive Discipline indoors:

Listen to your heart, trust your instincts. ? Many sayings? Experts? in children, over the years, have undermined the confidence we have in our ability to raise our children ?, he says.

Seek help from discussion groups and support groups because you are not alone. There are so many other fathers and mothers who are, like you, seeking to give more respectful rearing to their children. And it's worth it, can you believe it?

Now you know a little more about Positive Discipline, and if you are interested, you can delve into it through the materials / support groups cited.

How To Discipline Your Child? - Parenting Tips By Dr. Shelja Sen (April 2024)