Imagine that you start a relationship and everything goes well until your partner starts asking you about your previous dates. Is it healthy to tell him all about his ex-boyfriends?
Unquestionably, everyone has passed. Just as your partner has probably been involved with other people, you also have stories of love relationships before you start dating him. The problem with talking about these relationships and revealing the details is that he can feel jealous, which is understandable. On the other hand, if you don't answer his questions about it, he may think you have something to hide. Difficult decision, but we have tips to help you circumvent the impasse.
Make sure he wants to know
Of course, in a relationship, it is common to comment on the experiences of both. You can even do this as long as it is sparingly and without exaggerating the richness of detail so as not to give the impression that you miss your ex.
If you find that your boyfriend insists that you address the issue, ask him directly what he wants to know, but be prepared: curiosity may seem exaggerated and it is up to you to give a satisfactory but short answer without unnecessary details.
If, on the contrary, your boyfriend seems bothered when you talk about your ex, you need to be careful not to do it often. In some cases, you may want to have them open the game with you and say what bothers you when you talk about it.
Make your position clear about your ex
It may be that your partner is upset when you talk about past relationships simply because you feel insecure, under the impression that you miss or would like to reconnect with them.
In this case, a frank conversation is the best way out. Make it clear to him that you do not intend to go out with your ex again, and that mentioning his name or some situation you have lived together does not mean you miss this phase.
He needs to understand that if you are with him now, there is no reason to worry about the past.
It gets very complicated to make the guy feel safe if you are all the time comparing him to his ex, especially when you praise the qualities of others by highlighting the shortcomings of the current partner. This kind of attitude shows a serious lack of respect and consideration for those around you.
To understand how he feels when you do this, switch places. You wouldn't like it if he started comparing your body to the body of his girlfriends he once had, or claiming you're not as smart or beautiful as them. This exercise helps you gain a broader sense of how offensive these comparisons are.
In general, the past should be treated as such. Life-long experiences have allowed you to become who you are today and it will not be possible or even healthy to try to erase them once and for all. When you quote your ex's name, let it be on a subject that will bring some evolution to your current relationship. Similarly, when you hear him talk about his ex-girlfriends, face him naturally, catching the cat's attention only if he disrespects you in any way.
Maybe that story of what? Ex good is ex dead? (in a figurative sense) is indeed true, but it is always better to look maturely at these choices that you regret today.
When Should I Tell My New Man About My Ex? (May 2021)
- Dating, Relationships