Anyone who gets involved in a relationship does so with the intention that it is good and it works. And in this desire to find a good relationship, it is natural and also essential that each try to adapt to the other and to shared life. But often, this adaptation can be confused with deprivations that do not match the needs of a relationship and can be practices that end up with bad consequences.
These painful lessons that we learn throughout our lives and relationships cannot always be passed on in some way: we must experience them to really understand how harmful they can be and from there to learn a lifelong teaching.
How do you realize that a behavior may be bad or that you are following a path that is likely to get you in trouble soon? The sexologist and psychoanalyst Lelah Monteiro summarizes: Any relationship, whether parents or children, spouses, professional or even friendship, that brings me more illusions than achievements, more suffering than joy, more isolation than socialization, these are harmful involvement. ?
Here are some of the most commonly learned lessons about relationships after experiencing them:
1. Do not stray from friends
This may be the most common lesson in relationships. However, many people do not realize or pretend not to see that this is happening and this is not a good idea. Friends can be expected to work hard to understand that when one is involved or in love, it is only natural for social moments to diminish and for the person to want to make the most of that feeling.
Also read: 10 Unhealthy Things to Comment About Your Partner
But the responsibility for approaching most often falls on the person who is dating, whether it is she who turns away or does not have time. Relationships go, but friendships stay. It is important to always keep this in mind. Even if friends understand a remoteness, they cannot be expected to remain true to their friendship if they receive no further attention.
Psychoanalyst Lelah Monteiro explains: “As a rule, when I walk away from my family or friends, from what I like to be with the other, to please my partnership, I start to annul myself for or because of the other. Is this a way that can lead you to isolation and get you away from what you really like? If you turned away from friends because your partner demanded, get out of this as soon as possible. Preventing one's social life will never be an attitude of love.
Testimonial: I had a friend who drifted so far away from me when a new relationship began. She even went so far as to hide that she was with me when answering her boyfriend on the phone. She was going to be my daughter's godmother, but with that unfriendly demeanor, did she lose her post? Daiane, 35 years old.
2. People are gone
It is necessary to realize that however much you plan, surrender and invest in a relationship, it can always end. No promise or responsibility assumed can prevent the bonds from breaking if the relationship does not go well. Therefore, accepting that life has its cycles and that you will not want to be by your side forever is critical to learning about the dynamics of life and relationships.
Sometimes the involvement is so great that you don't accept a breakup or get severely hurt from a breakup because you never thought it might happen. It's always important to keep in mind that people get involved, but there is no guarantee that this involvement will be everlasting.
Also read: 10 questions every couple should ask themselves before the? Yes?
3. Don't give up your way
This is a complex matter, after all, if there is a relationship, isn't it to build a life together? Of course yes. This is a problem when choosing to go out of your way is not because you really want to follow the other, but because your partner demands it or because you think they deserve more than you. Lelah Monteiro suggests that you always ask yourself, "How much do I want to please each other, forgetting about myself and my life projects?"
Giving up on your plans as a college, a profession, or even the dream of having children, for example, can end up frustrating you if you ever catch yourself and have not followed your dreams. The sense of wasted time and disloyalty can be suffocating.
Testimonial: After the separation, my ex-husband suggested that I return to the city where he lives with our son, ensuring that I would have financial help (the city is much more expensive) and housing. I stopped my projects, gave up my house, and accepted his offer. After a month of moving, I was evicted from his apartment by his family and ended up delaying the paths I had drawn before. Michele, 33 years old.
4Always watch the partner
Relationships need to be nurtured and cared for constantly. Even if it seems all right, one should not lose attention. Watching, listening and investing time in your partner (and him in you) is work that should be routine and considered very important. There may be a dearth of time and attention devoted to each other, and many relationships end because there was no such care. Even if unintentionally, when you realize it can be too late to settle.
Testimonial: I spent some time having almost no interest in my husband. He always complained and I thought I loved him. After a while I realized that I really had no desire for him anymore, the relationship was more of a friendship and I kept for fear of losing. The problem is that I made him very sad for a long time, I regret that ?. Sonia, 56 years old.
Also read: 10 Signs That He Is Not Ready To Commit
5. Lack of sex can be a problem.
When it comes to a couple who have always had a poorly active sex life, there is usually no problem when sex is rare. But when the desire of one is greater or less than the desire of the other, if permanent, can bring great discomfort in the relationship. Although not everything in a relationship, sex is still an important part, an indication that there is still affection, interest and attraction. It takes effort to keep this aspect of the relationship always healthy, and it is best to bet on open communication.
6. No use insisting
Whining, chasing, insisting on dating never works when it comes to lovemaking. It is no use begging for love or for a relationship if the other is not in the same mood. Also it will be worth nothing to charge a promised love. Most likely you will be torn to pieces and feeling humiliated. According to psychoanalyst Lelah Monteiro, the thought to be made is "what fixed ideas of reality am I insisting when I already have demonstrations that this is not the way, or the person?"
Insisting may also not be a good option when the relationship is not satisfactory. Not forgetting that every relationship goes through ups and downs, it is important that you realize the limit of these periods. If it's been a long time since the relationship has been unhappy, it's time to see if it's really worth it.
7. Monitoring another's life does not prevent betrayal
Watching someone does not prevent a betrayal. Betrayal happens for lack of security, love, or various other problems, not because there is simply room for it. Unhealthy insecurity wastes time and energy, fraying uselessly, and can make matters worse with both misunderstanding and suffocation.
Testimonial: I had a very jealous relationship, most of me, and it taught me a lot about trust. Searching my phone or computer for something that could be a sign of betrayal made my life a living hell every day. It caused me a lot of trauma and as much as I was? On top? I ended up being betrayed the same way. Nowadays I forbid myself to go searching, isn't it worth it? Aline, 28 years old.
8. Loves are gone, personality is
Divergent issues will always appear in relationships, even in the most balanced couples. Over time, it is normal and even expected that each will tend to fit in with the other, even changing some ideas and perspectives.
What may prove to be a problem is when a person gradually gives up his or her opinions and wishes, stops doing activities that were once routine, or changes his or her principles just to avoid conflict and to please the partner. Depending on the degree of this omission, the relationship may become addicted and when you really want to express yourself, there may not be room for it. When such a relationship ends, a strong sense of insecurity may arise.
9. Do not submit to abusive relationships
What each one considers an abusive relationship is variable. But there are certain limits that may go unnoticed to someone who is in love or very emotionally involved. Physical or verbal violence, excessive jealousy or control of their activities are strong indications of an abusive relationship.
In the hope that the relationship will improve or the other's behavior will change, many people allow themselves to be in such a relationship. This is always a very painful lesson and that is why it should serve for a lifetime.
10. Assume Your Mistakes
The greatest lesson that can be learned throughout life is that all make mistakes and that in these mistakes dwell great teachings. But to learn from mistakes and grow in the face of an obstacle, you must first be able to visualize and take on your shortcomings. If it is the other way around, and the responsibility for problems is always attributed to the other, you may miss a good opportunity to understand and improve your future relationships.
The lessons that can be learned in relationships always renew themselves.With each new bond it is possible to improve and understand more the ways in which people live and relate. Take advantage of our tips and maybe you can keep these lessons from being too painful.
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