Do you need to trust yourself? and “do you have to accept other people's opinions”: two pieces of advice that we hear all the time and which, if looked at closely, may seem opposite.
After all, is the best way to have unshakable self-esteem or to take into account criticism from those around us?
As you might imagine, the answer is that balance is always the best alternative. However, our tendency is often to give much more credit to what other people think for fear of being misunderstood.
Is this your case? Here are some attitudes of those who often care too much about others' opinions:
1. Your success depends on the approval of others.
You may have struggled a lot and completed a task in record time, but will you only be satisfied with your work if someone compliments you? This may be a sign that you are giving a lot of importance to the approval that comes from others.
Read also: 14 Powerful Traits of Leaders to Practice in Your Life
Of course receiving a compliment is always an extra motivation, but we have to recognize our qualities for ourselves. If you find this too difficult, try focusing on the qualities of the task you have completed (if it was innovative, creative, useful, etc.). Gradually you will understand that you were responsible for all this.
2. You get upset over rejection
Not getting the job you wanted in a company selection process or never receiving a WhatsApp from the boy after the first date may even mean that there is some aspect of yourself that could be improved, such as taking a refresher course or being more open. It's time to meet new people.
But we should not understand rejection as a sign that we are inferior, that nothing we do has value or that we should completely change our personality. Often a change does not represent a guarantee that we would not be rejected in the same situation.
3. You put yourself in the background of your relationship.
Believing that you will only have value if you have a partner, you end up accepting situations with which you fundamentally do not agree, such as unfaithfulness, lack of consideration and even aggression.
If your goal is to make your partner happy as a? Guarantee? that the relationship will continue to exist, even if it does not do you good, it may be time to seek help to put yourself back at the center of your life.
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4. You spend a lot of time and money to keep up appearances.
If you fail to do the things you really would or should like to accompany other people in your activities as a way of showing that you are “in class”, this is a sign that you depend heavily on others' opinions.
The same thing happens if you find yourself emptying your piggy bank to cover travel, clothing, electronics, and other items simply because you fear a negative judgment if you present yourself otherwise.
5. You can't say no?
It's not that you're very generous: can't you say? No? to anyone out of fear of displeasure, even if it compromises your schedule, your work or your well-being.
When we give the opinion of others the importance it deserves, we can position ourselves and make decisions that do not harm us. After all, we are aware that if someone does not like our 'no', it is possibly the other person who suffers from lack of empathy.
6. You hide your true opinion to avoid conflict
One of the characteristics of people with low self-esteem is? Change your mind? quickly when you realize someone close to you thinks differently to avoid conflict with friends, family, or a partner.
Read also: The Constructive Criticism Handbook: What It Is, How to Identify, How to Deal, and How to Do
However, you need to be very clear that you are entitled to your own opinions and beliefs. Those who really like you will respect them, so you need not be afraid to be less loved for thinking differently.
7. Your view of yourself changes all the time
In the morning, you submitted a report that was super-praised by your boss and it made you feel like a great professional. After lunch, however, he asked you to redo an assignment, and his reaction was to panic that he will be fired for being too incompetent.
When your view of yourself depends on what others think about you, will your emotional state live in a roller coaster that goes up or down depending on other people's reactions? and this is very exhausting.
Trusting yourself and your own judgment does not mean that you will feel wonderful all the time. A self-confident person can accept their imperfections and may even be upset with them, but without finding that a failure nullifies all their qualities or makes them worthless.
When the importance we give to others' opinions is healthy, we can absorb points that are true and use them to improve, but they don't shake what we think about ourselves. It is not a question of not listening to anyone else, but knowing how much it should affect our lives.
Read also: 13 things we always wanted to tell you but never talked about
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