The ghost of betrayal is always around. Each person has their personal degree of concern when it comes to fidelity, some fear the most by making it a daily thought, others can more abstract or live with the topic more quietly. In either case, the moment when this ghost actually appears in one's life is always difficult and frightening.
If you have experienced or are experiencing this problem, you have felt in the skin all the insecurities and hurts that a betrayal can cause. No matter how self-confident and emotionally balanced a person is, it is never easy to deal with such a situation. It can be a mix of low self-esteem, with possessiveness, fear, all together.
Dealing with this moment will never be easy. Whether you forgive or not, depending on the circumstances, the wounds left are deep and slow to heal or never close permanently.
The important thing starts with being calm and rationalizing your feelings, really trying to understand what happened, meditating on the feeling of ownership of relationships, and measuring the reasons.
When a woman is betrayed, the first thing that comes to mind is: Where did I fail? Why did this happen to me? He does not love me anymore? In fact the reasons for a betrayal are very variable, says Patricia Camargo, affective coach and psychoanalyst. She points out three main situations that lead to betrayal:
Also read: 12 Things Not to Do After Ending a Relationship
- Men who cheat compulsively. "For the pleasure of cheating, for enjoying being in danger and risking it?" These men have no commitment to the relationship. They don't really know what they want and they don't value what they have. In this case, does it matter if your partner is the best in the world? will they cheat regardless of her behavior and how much she is dedicated to the relationship?
- Men who are unhappy in the relationship. These eventually betray. In a moment of relationship crisis, do you seek comfort in another woman, seek to relive the pleasure you had before the relationship went into crisis and became worn out?
- Men who value the status of being married and having a family but no longer believe in the relationship. These keep the marriage because they have earnings, whether social or family, because of their children. They do not think of separating, but marriage, complicity and affection have long been lost ?? , analyzes Patrícia Camargo.
We live with different types of relationships and people. Each case is unique and rationally understanding what kind of situation you are in is critical in order to analyze why this betrayal occurred and how to move forward in the best way possible.
Regardless of whether or not you decide to end your relationship and your attitude to this crisis, some attitudes can help you get through this better by stimulating your self-esteem and helping you to get out of the vicious cycle of bad thoughts such a situation can generate.
8 Essential Steps to Overcome Betrayal
1. Rationalize
Understand what you are really feeling. Are you afraid of losing it? Angry? With self-esteem shaken? Feeling guilty? First answer these questions so that you can understand what you are going through so that you can resolve them in the healthiest way possible. Try not only to look for culprits and failures, but try to understand the situation you are in and how to solve it.
2. Don't blame yourself
Realize if you may have cooperated in any way. It will be important to overcome, but never blame yourself for the infidelity of others. It is his role to realize that he was wrong and to try to solve the problem. It may even happen that he tries to blame you for this slip. As much as it seems to make sense, you will never be blamed for such a mistake.
3. Stay close to friends
Do not isolate yourself in your sadness. Even if it's hard, try to surround yourself with friends or family as long as possible. Strive to have people who love you by your side and this will prevent feelings like self-pity, depression and constant bad thoughts.
Read also: Why do we need self-esteem?
4. Escape from possessiveness
Love relationships usually end up confusing a lot with the feeling of ownership. Gradually you forget that two people will always be different, have different histories and expectations, and the possibility of not belonging to each other can be troublesome. No matter how long two people stay together, they each have a life of their own that can never be owned by anyone and will move on one way or another.
5Invest your time on you
Keep a cool head and focus on activities that please you, and especially those that you know how to perform well. It can be a very difficult task to get the mood to move. Do something you were keen on that you know will work. Victory in this task will stimulate your freedom and self-sufficiency.
“Doing what you like, fulfilling what you set out to do, is one more way to strengthen ourselves in difficult times. In this way, we fill our heads with new pleasurable activities and we are not brooding over the pain and reliving our mistakes ?, complete Patricia.
6. Talk openly, without passions
It is important for you to stop and talk without a fight and to expose what you are feeling, your hurts and your goals for the future. Being alone speculating on motives and situations will turn you into a paranoid and will probably end up believing you in your mind's creations. Talk once and for all so that, looking into your eyes, you can decide a course for this relationship.
7. Caution with friends' advice
Each has their own stories and traumas and their way of dealing with betrayals. It is important to talk to friends for support and guidance at a time when the head doesn't work very well. But this advice should be carefully measured so that you do not end up being influenced in a way that can be negative.
8. Outperform
If you decide to stick with it, you have to get over it. It won't do any good, or it may even make the hurt of this relationship worse, always remembering, charging or using the subject for blackmail. Even if the relationship does not continue, the best thing to do is to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and sustaining this evil will only affect you.
As much as it hurts, you need to be able to move on, gradually dropping your hurts along the way. Don't overwhelm your sadness, allow yourself to cry, get angry, get discouraged. Just don't let this state of mind last for too long. Life goes on and on, and the best of all is that you can always start over.
8 Steps to Overcoming Betrayal Trauma (March 2024)
- Relationships
- 1,230
