Some say that being a mother is like joining an exclusive but universal club. Suddenly, strangers smile at you and women make conversation in the supermarket line. Children inevitably make you know your hitherto virtually anonymous building neighbors. Yes, is having a baby a new opportunity to make friends? instead of thinking that motherhood has excluded you from the world (at least the one you knew before).
At this time of life so full of change, every mother needs some good friends as well as a safe, sturdy breastfeeding chair or stroller. There is usually a move away from the mother to understand how to handle all the new things she is learning, and this move often distances some friendships. "It is impossible to say that nothing will change the way a woman who has become a mother looks at the world around her, and that includes relationships," says psychotherapist Celia Lima. But it is very important to have support from some friends with whom to share concerns and small achievements in daily life with your baby, he adds.
So here is the ideal cast every new mom should have by their side. Make sure you already have friends like this and keep their numbers on your mobile speed dial.
1. Friend who already has children
No doubt this is the first friendship that absolutely every mother needs? and also the one that will be most frequent after motherhood. After all, your new favorite pastime is exchanging information (or stickers) about life with children.
After the arrival of the first (and until then only) daughter, Alanis, the journalist Leia Saboia de Azevedo has been living this experience. She says that initially it was her friends who already had children that she turned to for advice or tips. • They help with advice for the couple, how to take care of the baby and even clothes to complete the layette. They also know which stores are best for buying baby stuff and where to find diapers on sale, for example ?, adds Leia.
And no matter how old her son is. Can she have? Maternal miles? accumulated in front of you or discovering the charms of motherhood with you. Having a friend who has children is certainly indispensable in this new phase of life.
2. Single Friend
They admire your baby without giving advice. They are able to give him all the attention and genuinely enjoy his company. Single friends (and no children) end up adopting? your baby, pamper you and always ask about how your child is doing. “I have friends who even offer to stay with her when I have an appointment,” says Leia.
Childless friends are also a link to your previous life, making you look at yourself not only as a mother but also as a professional, athlete, artist. They recall their interests and passions that may have fallen asleep due to motherhood.
3. Childhood friend
After the baby arrives, withdrawal from friends who have no children is inevitable, but may take you by surprise. Your priorities and conversation topics change, after all, your universe now revolves around the baby.
While some friendships cannot resist change, others gain a new dimension. True friendships survive after the initial withdrawal, but you have a role in that. Try to set aside at least ten minutes a day to call a friend, or write an email. Meetings will be scarcer, but at least make it clear that you have not forgotten such dear people.
4. Generous Friend
This friend is especially important for busy women who are uncomfortable asking for help. The truth is that there are times in life when there is no alternative but to trust other people and a generous friend need not be called to be available.
This generosity can even be applied to changes in the new mom's social life. When you start refusing invitations to leave, some people don't understand and walk away, says physical educator Tassiana Galeti, Samuel's (2-year-old) mother. "So I think every mom needs friends who are willing to do a home program every now and then, including her son or daughter," she explains.
Generous friendships not only understand this new phase in your life, they want to participate in it.
5. Rational Friend
If you are the kind of person who lives with emotions on the skin, after motherhood you will need a friend who can see things as they really are, without exaggeration. "They also help filter out the thousands of advice that should come your way about baby care and child rearing," says Rosilaine dos Santos Lima, mother of Wesley (6) and Kauã (2).
6. Friendly with life
It is a fact: Some people view life more lightly and more enthusiastically than others. So being around a good friend with your life makes you feel excited and encouraged for the little everyday difficulties.
7. Virtual Friends
The Internet is today one of the main tools for creating relationships, sharing experiences and exchanging information. When it comes to childcare, it could not be any different, and the result is that there are dozens of blogs and groups on social networks that exclusively discuss issues related to the maternal universe.
In these spaces, between tips on how to take the diaper or pacifier or how to make the child eat or sleep, friendships arise easily. "We come together, comfort each other and embrace even if it is virtually," says Beatriz Sogaib, journalist and blogger for the Mother from Head to toe.
Anyway, being a mom doesn't have to be a hindrance for you to have a busy social life full of friends as long as there's flexibility. You can invite friends to a home meeting or have grandma (or a nanny) help out without the child. Creating friendships with other mothers also allows to schedule activities that allow the interaction of children as well.
Follow these tips to continue enjoying the company of friends, without neglecting maternal responsibilities.
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