Everything you need to know before you move in

Have you been spending more time at your boyfriend's house than yours? Do you have enough intimacy to talk about everything? Virtually every day of the week will you lie down together and see no sense in sleeping apart?

If the answers to all of the above questions are "yes", you may have already stopped to ask yourself if it is not time for you to "put your things together permanently"? and live together in the same home!

Today, few couples make the decision to live together before or without even having a traditional wedding ceremony.

Célia Lima psychotherapist, expert Personare highlights that marriage itself? the act of signing papers and having a ceremony (whether religious or not)? It is only the crowning of what has already been established. "Living together is already the marriage itself: everything is already being shared, starting with the space, going through the division of tasks and ending with the expenses", he comments.

What happens is that many couples feel emotionally safer if they do not call the? Live together? "marriage," as psychotherapist Celia says. "If the experience is not good they can separate without carrying the weight of a formal separation," he explains.

On the other hand, Celia continues, many call this coexistence a "test." "Think" let's see if it works! Thus, if they realize that living together is a pleasurable situation, they formalize the union ?, explains the professional.

What is the right time to live together?

Of course, it is practically impossible to answer this question as each couple has their own particularities. But in general, Célia Lima believes that from the moment the "houses mix", men and women, perhaps, can start talking about living together.

That is, when both spend more time in each other's house than in their own house; when they see no sense in sleeping alone; when they find themselves planning to buy furniture that accommodates things for both of them; planning a trip for months from now; when they realize that together they will save more than living in separate homes? maybe this is the time to talk about living together? exemplifies the psychotherapist.

Is it wrong to live together before marriage?

This is a common doubt among many couples as marriage, regardless of religion, is a rather traditional act.

But without taking into account the religious issue? that of course should always be respected and agreed between the couple ?, nothing is? wrong? when both parties agree.

? Can we understand? Live together? as a "pre-wedding". But in fact, going through this phase is no guarantee that the relationship will last long after the formal marriage. This is a time when it is possible to make the difference between forming a real affective partnership and "playing house", comments psychotherapist Celia.

If the couple is mature enough to face the challenge of building a relationship, marriage is just a natural consequence. But if it is just an empty trial, a game, the problems and misunderstandings children will soon appear ?, highlights the professional.

The financial side of living together

Talita Aguado, 29, an educator, says that she and her boyfriend decided to live together also for the sake of reducing expenses. “We both lived alone in the same town. We were always together, in one apartment or the other. So we came to the conclusion that it was wiser to live definitely together?

Today, Talita says they share all the expenses. We even make a spreadsheet in Excel. We make a forecast of spending before the beginning of the month, and we already deposit in savings what is left ?, explains. In Talita's opinion, this is a good tip for couples looking to live together.

Fernanda Prado, 27, a journalist, says that while living with her parents, she was not so aware of how important it was to control her spending well. ? Today, living with my boyfriend, I learned what it is to save? I do not spend on any bullshit, after all, we have to buy food for home, water and electricity to pay etc. ?, comments.

Fernanda reports that she and her boyfriend also share all expenses. "If, for one reason or another, we're a little tighter?" that month we tried to save money. We stop going out for a weekend or two and then things get in the way? again. I think the secret is to have a good dialogue with the partner, then everything tends to work out ?, he says.

What to consider when deciding to live together?

Célia Lima points out that love is only a part of the set of things to consider when the couple decides to live together. • One has to be quite realistic with regard to house organization, division of tasks, division of expenses. Talking a lot about what the couple understands by sharing life is fundamental to avoid unnecessary frustrations ?, comments.

Who likes to cook the most? Who wakes up early to make coffee? Is each one for you? Are we going to have a pet or not? Much should be talked about, but the daily reveals what needs to be adjusted? The fact is that the couple? Learns? coexistence ?, highlights the psychotherapist Celia.

It is a fact that much changes in the life of women and men from the moment they decide to live together. If this couple still lived with their parents before making this decision, they will have to learn how to run the home. Shopping, cooking, doing your own laundry, paying your house bills, sharing expenses, are some new situations you will come across ?, recalls Célia Lima.

"If one or both of them already live alone and, therefore, already know what these responsibilities mean, they will have to prepare to make concessions, to adjust their way of life to their partner's way of living," says the professional.

Legal Implications of Living Together

Lawyer Marcelo Souza explains that currently two people who live together can set up a stable union. And the Civil Code states that such behavior configures the regime of partial communion of goods. Therefore, if properly proven, everything that the couple acquired while living together will have to be shared half and half?

6 Important Tips To Follow When Living With Your Partner

1. Consider the financial question

Célia Lima points out that every union needs agreements, it is like a contract. "Therefore, it is very practical and necessary that one of the first issues to be considered is the financial situation of the couple," he says.

Are both professionally stable? If not, is it important to have a reservation that guarantees the payment of rent and all household expenses for a few months? three or four, for example. Financial problems are a trigger that can trigger a crisis in a couple still in formation ?, highlights the psychotherapist.

2. Establish rules of coexistence

Célia Lima points out that trying to establish rules of coexistence is very healthy, because everything that is discussed before avoids misunderstandings.

But more importantly, is there a willingness to comply with agreements? ranging from hanging the wet towel to relaying household chores. This also involves making arrangements regarding inviting friends to attend the house, respecting each other's individuality and visiting family members ?, explains psychotherapist Celia.

3. Always be open to dialogue

Yes, it is very interesting to establish rules of coexistence, but of course this does not mean that agreements cannot change as needs arise. That is exactly why, in any relationship, dialogue is fundamental, as Célia Lima points out.

4. Organize your stuff and donate / sell whatever you have the most

Coming from different houses (apartments), you are likely to have repeated things in your new home now.

You will not need, for example, two beds. (But if they have a guest room to put one of them in, great!) Maybe they don't need two huge wardrobes? Probably not going to need two refrigerators, two stoves, not even two cheese graters, two complete sets of knives?

Anyway, it's time to sit down and talk about what will or won't stay in the new home! Repeated objects / furniture / items can be sold or donated.

5. Do things together

Sharing the daily tasks is fundamental, but it is also important that men and women do not forget to take time to do something together, indoors. How about preparing a lunch or dinner together, for example?

6. Don't Forget Romanticism

Leaving aside all the rules of coexistence, it is crucial that men and women never forget the good reasons that probably led them to live together. After all, love and affection for the partner can not be forgotten!

How about preparing a romantic dinner to receive your love at home after work ?! Or simply buy some wine for you to have together and relax on Friday night ?! Simple attitudes like these can make a difference and further strengthen unity!

HOW TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA- What You Need to Know BEFORE you Move Across the Country (April 2024)