There are times in life when we can find ourselves in a troubled relationship that not only makes us happy, but also oppresses and hurts. What starts well can often reach an uncomfortable or even violent point and this kind of situation is far more common than you think.
Whether it's a short or long term relationship, addiction relationships can reach extreme levels, and when that happens, breaking up can be a very difficult undertaking. Only those who have had an unhealthy relationship know the overwhelming power it has even in emotionally mature people.
"Getting out of an unhealthy relationship may not be an easy task," says psychologist Martha Ramos.
For her, although rationally the individual can understand the reasons why he should withdraw from the relationship (which does not always occur), the person in this situation will easily tend to distort the logic, make cutouts of reality and then stay in something that, noticeably, it does more harm than good.
How to identify an unhealthy relationship?
Sometimes we forgive too much or pretend not to see certain worrying attitudes in our partners. Some people may find certain common missteps and others insist on seeking explanation or even blaming themselves for the mistakes of others.
The first step is to identify that your relationship has reached an unhealthy level and that it is urgent to break this involvement. In this case, this relationship should no longer be considered a love affair, but a relationship of disrespect that goes beyond what is acceptable.
Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship:
- An unhealthy relationship doesn't make you happy. It's oppressive, it hurts and it wears out your self-esteem.
- Exaggerated jealousy. Cases where the other constantly searches your messages, social networks, phone calls and email. He can also constantly accuse you of flirting with other people.
- He always distrusts you and believes that you make up lies to dodge.
- It disrupts your friendships by not letting you go to events or trying to make you give up. You don't like your friends and don't want to go with you.
- When the relationship reaches a point where there is physical, verbal, or bullying, it certainly has reached an unhealthy level that should be treated as critical.
- Possessiveness. You are to each other as a property and it is common for him to identify you as? Mine? or? mine ?. Overly possessive people want to be their main subject and constant priority.
- Hierarchy Relations. It is when the other does not give you openness to decisions or to your preferences. He seeks to rule you and expects obedience.
- It makes you think he got it wrong because of you. You get a lot of excuses to be wrong, but it's always your responsibility. Maybe he messed with your computer because you looked so pretty. Or that he only has these attacks because you promised eternal love.
What to do to end an unhealthy relationship?
Here's a walkthrough that can help you break up with this relationship:
1. Put a definite endpoint
Prepare and end this relationship once and for all. Whether in person or even over the phone, make it clear that you no longer want it and use all your strength to deliver on your promise.
A sick partner will not want to accept the breakup and will use every possible weapon to convince you otherwise. He will make emotional demands, promise to change his behavior, even in the case of physical or verbal threat or vows of revenge.
It is important that you do not give in to these pressures at the risk of further worsening the situation. By accepting blackmail and threats you will be enhancing the other's sense of power over you.
In the case of threats and violent behavior it is important that you seek help from friends and even the police. This is certainly not a pleasant situation and there are many cases where complaints are not made out of shame. But if there is potential violence you need to be on your guard.
2. Keep your distance
It's no use being close when the intention is to end a complicated relationship. Even if the frequency is low, simple sporadic encounters can disrupt both their decision and the certainty of the need for the breakup.
It will be painful for everyone and the other may not accept this distance and use emotional blackmail such as complaints of loneliness or meaningless insinuations to force you into encounters. Do not lose control and try to understand that the distance will be painful for both, but it is necessary to reach the goal.
For Martha Ramos, if your partner behaves negatively or illly, the withdrawal becomes even more important and should be radical:? Each person will tend to a kind of attitude, according to what was established in the relationship and with the personality of each one. Therefore, at this moment it is essential to completely move away from the other. Block on Facebook, email, mobile, ask friends not to comment on the events of your life, even those they believe will be motivating. Avoiding the places that people go to is also a crucial factor to be able to overcome this phase ?, emphasizes.
3. Do not open for relapses
Accepting a reunion can make you uncertain of what you want again, as well as throwing away the entire result, even a small one. It is not uncommon for partners who have been left to promise new behavior if they are accepted back, which in most cases does not happen and can confuse you.
Martha points out the importance of keeping clear and explains that a relapse is enough to backtrack and put everything to lose: It is essential that you can not be affected by certain behaviors of the other to get your attention. The other will surely feel threatened by your absence and attitude change, this will probably lead you to more drastic attitudes, potential threats and even the behavior you have always feared, such as dating an ex and posting the photos. on Facebook for you to see, for example?
4. Ask friends for help
To get through this confusing and painful moment, it is important that we can count on people we trust. Ask your friends and family for help, explain the situation, and count on their support to resist. The view of people outside the relationship, but who know the story, may be relevant to your decision and even show you angles that you didn't realize.
5. Seek specialized psychological help.
In every relationship, both parties are responsible. Pointing out the culprit for each problem will certainly not help to resolve the situation. Even when the difficulty is related to possessiveness or even violence, the victim often has his share of responsibility, whether for forgiving often, turning a blind eye to certain attitudes or other motives.
First of all, it is worth remembering that for an unhealthy relationship to exist, it takes a couple of people, there is not just one responsible. In general, both? Get sick? and nurture this relationship with all their might. To get out of this kind of relationship, the first step is to assume that this is not a healthy relationship ?, adds Martha.
If you have the possibility of seeking a psychologist to be able to start treatment, this will be a great help. It can certainly help you identify what led to the illness and consequently help you avoid falling into this same pattern. But do not forget that the therapeutic process is also up to you, you need to heal to be healthy again.
What if the person does not accept the termination?
In the most critical cases, when the other does not accept the end of the relationship at all, perseverance and safety are required. Total remoteness is the most essential. Each case will have a time to heal. If you have this possibility, it is worth even an extended trip. Cut off all communication with others and don't let them get information about any aspect of your life, however small.
Unhealthy jealousy and the addiction addiction can cause a person to create a number of hypothetical stories that increase anger and distort all reality. As stated above, in cases of threat or violence it is essential to seek police assistance.
When we enter a relationship, we are looking for happiness and love. Giving up what is bad is a necessary attitude to give possibility to the things that do you good. Psychologist Martha Ramos concludes by suggesting that this process should be considered as a treatment: As hard as it hurts, strive to remember how much the relationship also hurt. There is no incentive here to maintain feelings of anger or resentment for the person, as stated above, the relationship is two and certainly both suffered from this illness.
How to get out of an unhealthy relationship (April 2024)
- Relationships
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