No relationship is a? Sea of roses? and who is dating or is already married knows this! From time to time a small discussion arises, for the most varied subjects, and may even trigger a bigger fight. And this happens no matter how long women and men are together, no matter how much they love each other and consciously do not want to be in a fight with each other at all!
According to Ceci Akatmatusu, Personare Energy Therapist and author of the book? For Love to Happen ?, communication difficulties and self-esteem problems are the biggest challenges, not only for couples, but for any relationship. "Between two people who relate more closely, these challenges are even more evident," he says. Therefore, they can be considered the main causes of fights between couples.
It is difficult to generalize, as each couple has their own particularities, but aside from personal stories, each other's relationship time, among other things, there are some conflicting issues that generate discussions between most couples. Below you can find out what they are, as well as tips on how to prevent themes from turning into a big fight:
1. Jealous Fights
Some argue that a hint of jealousy can spice up the relationship. Do many people still believe that scenes of jealousy are nothing more than demonstrations of love? But what is the limit to this? How healthy is it to want to know everything about your partner's life? From what point does concern about his attitudes become obsessive, damaging the relationship?
The truth is that there is a fine line between jealousy and possession, which leads many couples to argue often for various reasons: he does not approve of his girlfriend's clothing; she questions whose calls her boyfriend received on his cell phone; Do you want to access each other's social networks to see if there is anything suspicious? etc.
Yes, most people agree that a? Jealous? It is even good for the relationship, it is a sign of affection, care. But when a man or woman wants her to control her life too much, judging that she is entitled to it, the situation gets complicated and the relationship tends to get harder and harder.
Ceci Akatmatusu points out that the best way to work with jealousy is to take care of one's self-esteem. When he becomes too harming the couple and the relationship, the ideal is to seek therapeutic help. One exercise for those who are jealous is to try to bring the frame back to itself, every time the head begins to think about the other, to decide how to act on the other. It is important to consider whether it is worth continuing this way, he explains.
"Another option for those who are very jealous is to pursue activities that help strengthen self-esteem, which not only means taking care of physical beauty, but also refers to emotional, mental and spiritual care," adds the therapist.
2. Quarrels over each other's friendships
Are not the cases of women complaining about their boyfriend's friends, and men not bothering about the attitudes of some girlfriend's friends?
Phrases like "your friends are idiots and they keep calling you out every day", "your friends don't like me and do everything we can to get away", "would you rather go out with them than be with me",? do you pay more attention to them than to me ?, among other accusations, they are common among some couples and generate constant fights between them.
But how to solve the problem? The main guideline is to respect the opinion of the other! Instead of criticizing the behavior and attitudes of a friend of your boyfriend, for example, try to think of the good reasons that made them both great friends. Reflect once, twice, even three times before starting a discussion about it. Remember that you have your friends, too, and you probably wouldn't want to hear your partner badmouth them all the time.
You need to keep in mind that the person you date or is married to before being? The boyfriend? or "the husband," is someone who needs to have his or her individuality respected, who has their own opinions, tastes, and freedom to choose the kind of friendship they like to have / preserve.
And the reciprocal is true: you must also have your individuality, befriend people who are important to you, and try to dialogue as best you can without a fight if your partner insists on bad-mouthing your friends.
3. Fights over money
A survey by the University of Michigan psychologist and professor Terri Orbuch released in 2012 found money to be the main reason for conflict between couples. The professional followed 373 newlyweds (in the first year of marriage), collecting information over 25 years.In the study, 49% of divorced people said they fought a lot with their partners over different economic profiles and lies about spending.
It is a fact that from the moment two people choose to live together (getting married or simply living in the same house), issues such as? Spending ?,? Possible savings ?,? Splits of spending ?, among others, are talked often. The key to these issues not becoming a real discussion is to have a good dialogue, where men and women have their turn to talk and also take a moment to stop and listen to each other.
But it is true that arguments over money can start when the man and the woman are still a couple of lovers. This is because each person thinks in a way: some consider it important to always save and leave a little money saved for "the future"; others argue that money should be used for travel, sightseeing, personal desires?
And so, when two people spend a great deal of time together (such as boyfriends), issues like this certainly come up, often causing misunderstandings.
But regardless of whether they are married or just boyfriends, it is critical that couples know how to dialogue in a civilized manner, be willing to listen and even "negotiate" so that money-making decisions are made in the best way possible. And of course, so that fights of this kind are avoided.
4. Fights for? Inattention?
"My boyfriend and I don't have the habit of always arguing, we get along very well, but the few times we had a fight, I was pretty worried that he wasn't paying enough attention to me," says Talita Fernanda Martins, 27, a banker.
Reports like Talita's are common among some couples. At some stage in the relationship (whether dating, marriage), the woman or the man may be bothered by what they consider to be? Inattention? by the partner.
Sometimes the complaint is even unfounded and the person receiving this? Accusation? You feel entitled to defend yourself, which can lead to discussion and even a more serious fight.
In other cases, the complaint may even make sense, and it is from this moment on that the couple should sit down to talk civilly about it, preventing it from becoming a real discussion.
"I try to avoid fighting my boyfriend as much as possible, but whenever I feel that he's a little cold?" will i talk to me? I think I have to do this for the sake of our relationship. I can't pretend I don't understand anything. Of course it is important for the conversation to take place smoothly without major discussions, but isn't this always possible? I think I have to work harder at this, even to avoid further fights ?, says Talita.
So here's the tip: It's very important that you talk to your boyfriend or husband if you think something in your relationship is not right. But it is crucial that this conversation takes place in a civilized manner, without offense, so that everything can indeed be resolved to the best of its ability.
5. Marriage-related fights
Some couples, as soon as they get married or even a little before then, argue over issues that? in a way or another ? they are related to the responsibilities and changes that a marriage (or simply living together) presupposes.
"When we were still engaged and there was some talk about weddings and / or children, my fiance and I often quarreled?" Usually by nonsense. For example, I said I would like to have a cleaning lady at home after we got married and he disagreed; I wanted to live in an apartment and he preferred a house; among other divergent opinions that we had and that generated good discussions ?, says Renata Silva, 33, lawyer.
There are several couples who still confess that, while dating, they did not have big fights, but from the moment they moved in together, the discussions became much more frequent? But why does this happen? How to prevent constant fights from taking over the marriage?
Ceci Akatmatusu explains that marriage presupposes a deeper commitment. If people have personal challenges in dealing with commitment, feeling it as something heavy or imprisoning, or as something that hurts their identity and self-esteem, for example, marriage creates an environment in which these issues are brought up. I often say that the problem is not marriage, but the way people look at it and experience it ?, highlights the therapist.
Thus, if fights between the couple are becoming frequent, a good solution is to seek a therapy that makes the man and woman reflect on their thoughts, their attitudes, so that together they can strive for the relationship. follow healthier and happier.
How to run away? of the main fights that occur between a couple?
It is worth stressing that no couple is equal to another.But in general, most of the conflicts cited above? also considered generally? can be avoided if there is a good dialogue between man and woman.
Therapist Ceci points out that fighting too much is really unhealthy, but the absence of fighting can be as harmful as overeating. • Running away from fights is not always a good thing, as it usually means only postponing and increasing the negative quality of what needs to be faced. The quarrels show us that there is something to be harmonized in the relationship, just as a pain in the body shows that something needs to be healed. Sometimes it's the attitude itself? Quarrelsome? that needs to be worked on?
Ceci Akatmatusu considers that fights are healthy and even necessary, as they are part of the human relations experienced today. “But we don't need disrespect, aggression, concealment, manipulation, grudge, hurt and anything like that when discussing. Learning to argue, and even to fight, in a constructive way, with the greater interest in making the relationship work above all is a great tip for us to relate more harmoniously? "To avoid an unnecessary fight ask yourself: what attitude would best demonstrate my real desire to make the relationship work," concludes the therapist.
How to End a Fight in Seconds (May 2024)
- Dating, Relationships
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