If you and your husband often argue in front of children, start policing yourself to avoid this kind of attitude. Children raised in environments where there are many discussions between the couple tend to regard relationships as fundamentally stressful and are likely to face problems in their own relationships as adults.
According to Lidia Weber, a postdoctoral fellow in family development and a professor at UFPR, the relationship of parents has so much influence on children's development that this relationship has been the subject of countless research around the world in recent years.
We know for sure that it is not enough to have great educational practices. Parents should also have good relationship between them. An integrative and interdisciplinary approach includes three relationships of mutual influence in a family: mother-children, father-children, and marital relationship ?, says Lidia.
Does the expert's opinion go against the idea that the best way to convey a value is by example? Children are always aware of the kind of behavior that their parents maintain, especially. Then they take these behavioral patterns for themselves and adapt them to their own lives. Dictating a rule, therefore, is not as effective as demonstrating that parents follow that rule.
Marital fights influence not only the child's association between marriage and quarrel, but also how parents relate to their own children. The more peaceful the couple's relationship, the better their relationship with the children.
According to research conducted by Lidia with about 40 children, the more frequent marital fights, the more frequent physical punishments applied to children. In addition, children have more problems socializing and greater difficulties in the friendship sector.
It is also common for the child to feel guilty about the troubled relationship between the parents. Since she does not understand the motivation of the fight, she may come to believe that this motivation is related to her. Try to keep these thoughts from the child's mind, always making it clear that he is not to blame for anything and, especially, avoiding involving him in the discussion. Asking children to take sides or give their opinion helps them feel guilty about their parents' failure to marry.
But what to do when an argument gets out of hand and children are around? In general, after the fight is over, the correct thing is to sit with the child and talk about what happened, making it clear that it had nothing to do with it and apologizing for their behavior during the friction. It is also important to allow the child to follow the resolution of the problem: this will teach her that discussions are normal, but they need to be resolved.
Making your child understand that it is healthy and natural to disagree sometimes is critical for them to be able to resolve conflicting situations in their lifelong interpersonal relationships. Just as your child absorbs the negative influence of a parent's relationship, so can your child absorb positive influences, so it is up to you to guide him or her by showing how much you love each other and the good aspects of life together.
What is the most important influence on child development | Tom Weisner | TEDxUCLA (April 2024)
- Family
- 1,230
