behavior
April 28, 2024
Minutes To Read: 6

5 Negative Thoughts That May Be Harming Your Happiness

Our mind is much more powerful than we think. This does not mean that an optimistic person will be radiant and joyful every day of his or her life and will never go through difficult situations. All of us are subject to one day or another, for one reason or another, feeling sad, discouraged, and even depressed. But with good thoughts, it is much easier to accept the facts, face difficult times, and lead life more lightly!

In contrast, does the person who often has negative thoughts about himself, everything and everyone around him tend to have a more difficult, heavy routine?

Maria Regina Altoé Marcantonio, a psychotherapist for adolescents, young people, adults, couples and family, points out that the basis for most behaviors is thinking. What you think about yourself, about the other, about what happens around you, often defines how you act and respond. Are they totally tied to their personal fears, frustrations, hits and misses ?, he explains.

Below is a list of some negative thoughts that may be hurting your happiness, which, if any, you should be getting rid of as soon as possible!

1.? Am I not a good company?

Some people, for various reasons, do not consider themselves good company, are afraid to start a conversation with a stranger, attend a group of friends etc. And all this often makes them stop enjoying moments of happiness with their loved ones.

According to Maria Regina, in these cases, it is interesting and fundamental to make each person think, first, why they have this idea about themselves. What may have happened in that person's life story, the person who may have heard or felt that led to this negative self-image? Has this situation, moment, comment, already passed or does she think this about herself? for example, "I can't talk", "I'm not interesting?" etc. -? So, in fact, will you have difficulties interacting with each other ?, adds the psychotherapist.

In this sense, according to the professional, the important thing is to seek in itself what generates this thought. • Try to observe what causes this difficulty of approach: what is hers and what is the other. Sometimes we meet people who can intimidate, impact, insecure. Always try to observe yourself and understand why? This is a good way to start a search for change. Before observing the other, observe what you think and feel about this situation? Says Maria Regina.

2. Only I am alone while all my friends date?

Maria Regina Altoé explains that in our culture we have learned for a long time that in order to be happy and / or to be “evaluated as someone who worked in life”, we have to be with someone. This way of thinking automatically leads to the obligation to be in a relationship. Going this way, being alone can be understood as synonymous with failure ?, he says.

It is not always pleasant to be one of the only people in the group of friends or family who is alone. But what do you think about it? Are there any charges in your social group regarding this issue?

Here is a reflection on this "being alone": why are you alone at this moment? How did it go, what happened in your last relationship? Why did it end? What kind of people have you been relating to? Do you know what you want, what you are looking for in the other person? These are broad questions that can help people understand how they relate and what they seek in relationships ?, says Maria Regina.

But, says the psychotherapist, to be prepared for any affective relationship, it is important to learn to be alone, learn to know yourself, ie: be aware of your weaknesses, your needs, the certainties, what you like or dislike , so you can really be with each other ?, he says. "I say this is important for any relationship, so as not to risk putting the responsibility of being happy in another," he adds.

The psychotherapist also points out: being alone can also be a personal option and does not necessarily mean failure. So it's worth wondering if what really gets you down? Is it really being alone or are the comments and demands that others may make about it.

3. Don't understand / accept the end of my relationship?

The psychotherapist Maria Regina explains that the breakup of a relationship tends to be linked to suffering, precisely because it deals with the theme of loss, with redefinition of life project, with frustration, with rejection.Something that will not happen, perhaps, as planned in an earlier stage.

Perhaps the end of a relationship can lead to sadness, personal hardship, suffering, and even depression, which means that ending at that time and / or in one's life. The person may feel rejected, frustrated, hurt, abandoned, etc., says the psychotherapist.

In such cases, it is of the utmost importance, as emotional learning, the person to stop and seek to understand why this relationship ended, which led to it. Do not look for a culprit, but seek to understand what is your part in this story. Is this a fundamental exercise for emotional development ?, explains Maria Regina. "Of course this is not always easy, but it is necessary," he adds.

But, as the psychotherapist points out, one must beware that every end of relationship means something bad, leads to depression. ?Not always. The end may also be the result of a growth, maturation of the parties involved that together decided to go that way as a solution ?, he explains.

We need to focus on the idea that ending a relationship is not necessarily synonymous with suffering exhaustively. • Staying fixed in a situation at a moment in life does not help to resolve. It can lead to more frustration, intolerance, guilt, low self-esteem and difficulty dealing with what is real. Discovering and understanding one's own fears and difficulties is critical to being able to really be in a close relationship with another person ?, concludes the psychotherapist.

4. Is the life of another better than mine?

A popular saying was: the neighbor's grass is always greener.

Unfortunately, some people, while not even realizing it, follow this idea because they believe the other's life (a friend, a family member, an acquaintance) is better than yours. And that makes them constantly compare with other people. Which of course is an unnecessary and negative attitude.

According to psychotherapist Maria Regina, this suggests insecurity, low self-esteem, difficulty believing what you think, accepting yourself, fear, instability, etc. Does this person really know what he wants for his life? The great risk in this kind of thinking, in attitude, is not being able to build one's own identity, not having a solid reference, being vulnerable, influential, and not having an opinion of one's own. Will it tend in most, if not all, times to need someone else's opinion or approval?

Admiring the other, what he has, what he can, recognize his abilities, is a sign of maturity. But is it different from? Use? the references and everything else as parameters. Does that depersonalize ?, adds the professional.

5. I have many defects and I cannot accept myself as I am.

Self-esteem is the basis for living well, having health, relating. It requires maturity, personal investment and courage. Is being able to know and recognize what you have good, difficult, defects and qualities and still like yourself? Says psychotherapist Maria Regina.

When does the person have this self-awareness? and that doesn't mean that she has been able to accept herself and be perfect - she has the freedom, security and confidence to be herself. Hence she can be with the other entirely. To hear what the other has to say even if it is not pleasant or easy. This can lead to a discovery, a growth of her and the other. She can accept herself and from there, seek what is happiness for her. It takes time, self-love, self-acceptance, and then reaching the other. Based on this, is optimism recovered ?, explains the psychotherapist.

For Maria Regina, if the person realizes that in his life, negative, heavy thoughts have prevailed, this is already a warning that something may be happening in a distorted way. "It's time to stop and think, question these ideas," he says.

To be optimistic, explains Maria Regina, is to have to live, smile even though you are aware that life is not all the time? Beautiful? etc. "There may be difficult times in a person's life, but with patience, insight, willingness, courage to move on," he says. "Being optimistic is believing, based on reality, and pursuing what you believe," concludes the psychotherapist.

It may seem difficult at any moment to dispel all your negative thoughts. But always remember that you have the strength to do so, to turn them into positive thoughts. If so, do not hesitate to seek professional help. The important thing is not to give up your happiness!