When two people get married, they certainly expect this to be a lasting relationship and bring happiness. Unfortunately, however, some situations, behaviors and even motives beyond the willingness and knowledge of those involved can lead the couple to face moments of crisis in marriage.
Psychologist Bianca Benevenuti, who serves on the ZENKLUB platform, comments that there are several reasons that could lead to a "serious crisis" of marriage. such as believing to be the keeper of the truth, not sharing dreams and ideals, not supporting the spouse or failing to have fun and laugh at each other (especially in the most turbulent times). "But, I would point out the lack of communication as the main reason that accentuates the crisis in marriage," he says.
An important point is to know that in all relationships? even in the happiest and most enduring, there are periods of? greater closeness? and periods of? greater distance? between the couple. The birth of a child, for example, a rush phase in employment, unemployment, among many other events can generate higher levels of stress? which inevitably may lead to discussions and even some distancing between the spouses. But keeping in mind the importance of dialogue, everything usually works out the best way.
However, many times, a couple is slow to realize or refuses to accept the problems, so the situation can get worse, bringing up the sad question: how to save the marriage?
There is no recipe for this question, which is very personal, however, pay attention to some? Advice? It can be the starting point for a couple to open up to new possibilities, decide to stay together and fight for their marriage.
Read also: 10 tips for having a positive attitude in relationships
1. Do not move away from each other
Psychologist Bianca Benevenuti comments that saving the marriage requires ending the vicious cycle that usually happens when the marriage is not going well. "The cycle of: being injured, moving away from each other, not talking, not trying to resolve the issues and thus staying injured and thus continuing," he says.
To end this situation, according to the psychologist, it is necessary for the person to diminish the certainties of life, to stop believing that he is the holder of the truth. • One has to listen to each other and ponder before being reactive. To talk, instead of being irritated to believe that it is not being understood, to try to score what is not agreed?
2. Invest in small gestures
A common mistake among many couples, especially those who have been together for many years, is to think that the other has already been won over and does not miss small gestures of affection and attention.
It is important, then, to insert some feelings and attitudes into daily life, such as admiration, mutual exchange of affection and companionship. How about starting (or coming back) saying good morning? as soon as they wake up; wish each other a? good job? before leaving home; At night, ask how was the day; Why not give it a peck? every time you meet again throughout the day and / or go to different places? These are simple gestures, but they can make all the difference in the couple's routine!
3. Assess and change their own behaviors.
When a marriage does not go well, the person is more likely to blame? the other for that. But, it is important to stop and reflect: What has been my role in this bad phase of the relationship? I have also contributed to the situation getting worse or am I actually trying to save the marriage ??
Read also: How to handle the end of the relationship as best you can
Remember that no one saves a marriage alone, just as usually both parties are helping to make the marriage go bad. That is: you can not blame the other for everything! You need to evaluate the relationship as a whole, recognize your own mistakes and, if necessary, change some of your behaviors.
No need to wait for the other's attitude. If you want, for example, a more romantic mood in the relationship, provide it and also talk to him about your tastes? Do this without charge, but through positive attitudes and demonstrations.
4. Remember that communication is a powerful ally
Recognizing that marriage is not going well, an important step is to remember that communication is the basis of any relationship. "Believe in the myth that, at the moment of crisis," the less I speak, the more I keep my feelings, time goes by and everything is resolved. not effective ?, highlights the expert.
? Communication is the best tool in marriage for conflict resolution and divergence of views. Remember that both come from different families with different customs. Marriage is the formation of two individuals with different universes, values and beliefs. The truth is not in either party's view, but in the new view that both will create together. This takes time, dedication, patience and will ?, says Bianca.
5. Get a little out of the routine
Book a trip that you have always planned to do or even take a quick weekend trip are great opportunities to attract the mood of romance. But of course, traveling is not the only option to get out of the rut.
Also read: 5 Attitudes That Can Lead to the End of a Marriage
Who has children, for example, can seek a moment alone between the couple for a pleasant conversation, for exchanges of affection?
The couple can go out to dinner, go to the movies, finally, do any program that has not been doing for a long time and that, naturally, will stimulate good coexistence and affection between the two.
6. Search for a couple therapy
"Seeking therapy in moments of uncertainty, conflict or emotional pain proves to be a favorable decision to change behavior and maintain well-being, as the limits are widened, limiting beliefs are questioned, giving rise to new possibilities", explains Bianca.
7. Remember how it all started and admire each other
Try to remember how you met, how you fell in love and decided to live together. Talk about it, of course, without forcing the bar, naturally!
Remember the qualities you saw in him. Often admiration is set aside over the years, leaving room for the exaltation of flaws and complaints in the relationship. So at this time of crisis in marriage, it is very important to remember that there are no perfect people? However, once there is love, which is expected to have a good coexistence, the way to see the partner must contain doses of compassion and affection.
Also read: 10 questions every couple should ask themselves before the? Yes?
But of course, this is no excuse for idealizing the partner! Once again communication is the keyword. Respecting each other is an obligation in a relationship; close your eyes to behaviors you don't agree with, no! So the way is to talk!
8. Don't despair
If you hope to save your marriage, be aware that it will not happen overnight. One must act, of course, but also have a good dose of patience.
"At this stage, you can not isolate yourself, try to solve the issues alone, become aggressive, hopeless, be anxious about time, expecting quick results," says Bianca.
9. Assess how much is it worth?
Whoever home certainly wants this relationship to be "forever". However, sometimes this is not fulfilled? In some cases, the? Continue along? It means giving up your own happiness and values.
So, in a time of crisis, it is important to stop to reflect: can I really save this marriage? This is what I want and this is what my partner wants too.
How to know how much is worth pursuing? If love still exists, probably everything can be right. However, "when one does not want, two do not." So if, between them, or at least one side, "love is over," it can be difficult to move on.
"Just questioning how this love has been expressed shows that there is still a possibility." Possibilities for change, rearrangement and resignification. But questioning the meaning, the meaning, the love, makes maintaining the relationship a little more complicated ?, comments Bianca.
But, to save the marriage, there are rules ?! Certainly not! Each case is unique and must be respected in its particularities. The essential is the dialogue between the couple, and no one else! Can only the two parties involved enter? or not ? in a deal and thus rekindle love and the desire to be together? that were probably the feelings that united them!
7 Tips For Saving Your Marriage (Don't Ignore This Crucial Advice!) (March 2024)
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