I get a lot of emails daily from women who would not like to identify themselves or tell their stories on the site, but are desperately seeking help. Many are involved in a sick relationship and the complaints are many: he lies, disappears, cheats, drinks, only goes out with friends, uses drugs, etc. From the outside the decision seems very easy, as it is impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who does such a thing, but the reality is quite different.
Instead of breaking up these women become 24-hour detectives, controlling and having jealous fits. Okay. He may love you, but doesn't that make his lies more sincere? or the "less painful" betrayal, the fact is that people are what they are with its qualities and defects.
So you can't take a frog and try to dress him as a prince, what I mean is that if you dream of a romantic man who sends flowers and makes declarations of love, don't try or be frustrated in a relationship where there is no the romanticism.
People always say who they are and what they came for, an example: a married man looking for an extramarital relationship comes up with a huge sign saying he cheats, and here comes a woman and says? But, with me it will be different? too many expectations in ordinary people who have their weaknesses. We need to accept or reject the other person's limitation. What's more, we need to understand that nobody changes nobody, people only change by themselves and yet when they can afford it.
See, how many accidents does the news show with drunk drivers that cancer cigarettes and fat are bad for the heart, yet someone stops doing these things? Why then do we get the wrong feeling that our love can change everything? Or rather, are we selfish enough to want the person to become exactly what we desire, fulfilling our desires and meeting our needs?
I propose an inverse exercise, that change begins in us and not in others, the first step is the self knowledge, to know oneself, its qualities, its shortcomings, what needs to be repaired, and especially to know our value and not accept less than we deserve.
Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official music video (January 2021)