mothers
May 1, 2024
Minutes To Read: 17

Attachment Creation Stimulates Strong Parent Bond

Raising completely happy, intelligent, responsible, educated, tolerant children with good self-esteem? Certainly these are some of the wishes of most parents. Unfortunately, however, there is no? Formula? which defines how to educate a child in the best way possible, ensuring that he will be a child and later an adult with admirable character and, above all, a totally happy person.

There is no way to deny, raise and raise a child is a daily challenge for parents. And of course, suggestions will always come up, especially for first-time parents: "Do you have to set limits for the child?" Is it not right to answer the baby whenever he calls? Can't you give everything your child asks not to spoil you? These are just a few examples of phrases that may come in the form of advice.

However, as good as the counselor's intention is, it often only serves to leave parents even more in doubt about how they should act.

Listening to Creation with Attachment, many people may soon think of a "set of rules to follow." But as we all know, there is no parenting / education formula that works exactly the same in all families (as each has its own particularities). In this sense, the term refers to tools that help parents bond with their children by consistently and lovingly addressing their baby's needs. It does not impose rules, but rather conveys guidelines based on serious investigations known to be effective in helping children develop secure connections.

The principles of Creation with Attachment are, first and foremost, comprehensively defined and can thus be applied to a wide range of family realities.

Read also: Positive Discipline: Educate Your Child With Love and Affection

Bete P. Rodrigues, mother, teacher graduated in Letters (PUC-SP), with master's degree in Applied Linguistics (LAEL-PUC / SP), speaker, education consultant and translator of the Positive Discipline book, comments that, originated in the Theory of attachment, Creation with Attachment has been studied for over 60 years by researchers in child psychology and development. These studies revealed that babies are born with strong basic needs: closeness, protection and predictability. If these needs are met, does the child develop fully? He says.

What is Creation with Attachment?

But finally, what is Creation with Attachment? How can it be defined?

For Bete, "it is a conscious, active creation, in which parents and caregivers care for the welfare and, consequently, the integral development of the child."

The so-called Creation with Attachment provides tools that help parents bond with their children by consistently and lovingly addressing their baby's needs. This is the starting point, but it is also believed that along the way they end up teaching their child valuable life-long lessons such as empathy and compassion.

And, was it meant to convey serious guidance to parents? should be seen as? tools? (allowing adults to evaluate each and choose the ones that best fit their needs / reality)? that the Attachment Parenting International (API) created The Eight Principles of Attachment Creation.

Also read: What do children learn from their parent relationship?

The 8 Principles

Bete points out that the principles have been based on a number of studies and are known to be effective in helping children develop secure connections. The API further recognizes that each family has unique circumstances with their own resources and needs. The Eight Principles of Attached Creation are designed to: help parents better understand their child's normal development; identify the needs of their children; to respond to their children with respect and empathy?

1. Preparing for pregnancy, birth and rearing

The beginning of everything is a fundamental part of Creation with Attachment. It is taken into account that pregnancy offers parents an opportunity to prepare physically, mentally and emotionally for parenting.

This does not mean, however, to be aware only of the material things associated with pregnancy and baby care: clothes, clothes for the pregnant woman, essential utensils, etc. But it does refer to the need for parents to be really involved in preparing for the arrival of this new family member, keeping informed and also creating a loving environment.

Some practical guidelines for this, according to the API, are:

Reflect on experiences from your own childhood and current beliefs about parenting.
Find out about creation philosophies.
Find out about the different types of childbirth, not getting carried away by the myths and opinions of others. Always remember that childbirth is yours.
Explore different types of health plans to plan for.
Seek to know about the advantages of natural childbirth.
Study about the importance of breastfeeding.
Have healthy habits to ensure good pregnancy: Eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, avoid stressful situations whenever possible.
Keep a strong and healthy relationship with your partner.
Research the? Routines? for newborn care such as bathing, blood tests etc. Record your preferences and share them with the healthcare professionals who will assist you.
Consider a birth and / or postpartum doula and prepare for extra help in the first few weeks after delivery.
Prepare to ask if necessary if an unexpected situation occurs at birth or with the newborn: What are the benefits of this intervention? What are the risks and possible outcomes? What are the other options?

2. Feeding with love and respect

This principle emphasizes that building strong bonds through food is something that a person can carry for a lifetime. It refers not only to the act of breastfeeding in order to provide nutrients to the baby, but also to the conscious feeding of the children and the use of meals as moments of union with the family.

Some of the considerations within this principle, according to the API, are:

Breastfeeding meets the baby's nutritional and emotional needs. It is better than any other method of infant feeding.
Breastfeeding is one of the most primitive ways for a mother to initiate a secure attachment bond with her baby.
The baby should be fed on demand, that is, whenever it gives signs (before it begins to cry).
Breastfeeding remains important nutritionally, immunologically and emotionally after one year.
In addition to the benefits to the baby, breastfeeding offers benefits to the mother.
Breastfeeding is a valuable tool for the mother to provide comfort and safety to the baby in a natural way.
Before you decide to use a bottle and a pacifier, inquire about the possible problems that exist in the baby's development using artificial nipples. Evaluate alternatives such as glass, probe, among others.
If the mother cannot breastfeed, it is important for the bond to reserve food only for the mother.
Simulate breastfeeding behaviors when feeding a bottle: hold the baby when giving the bottle, placing it close to the breast; maintain eye contact, speak calmly and lovingly; change position (from side to side); feed when baby signals etc.
Match the use of the bottle and pacifier with your lap and exclusive attention to the baby.
Begin your introduction to solid foods when your baby signals that he or she is ready, not necessarily based on age.
Let the baby signal what and how much to eat, letting it develop its taste naturally.
Food gradually takes the place of milk in terms of caloric need, but breastfeeding continues to meet other needs such as comfort and development.
If you need to wean before your child signals that you are ready, do so gently.

Bete points out that breastfeeding undoubtedly has many benefits for both mother and baby. "In addition to the nutritional and emotional functions, breastfeeding brings comfort to the baby in a natural way," he says.

3. Responding Sensitively

The API understands that parents can build the foundation of trust and empathy by responding appropriately to their child's needs. Babies communicate their needs in different ways (through body movements, facial expressions and crying) and will learn to trust sensitively when their needs are consistently met.

But this does not mean that building a strong bond with the baby means only consistently responding to his or her physical needs, but also: spending pleasant moments interacting with the baby, and thus meeting emotional needs as well.

Note that parents may come across myths about pampering a baby or receiving unsolicited advice from family, friends and the media. Although well-intentioned, some of this advice often goes against science, facts about normal development, and even against one's own intuitive feelings. Attachment Creation considers, above all, that in the normal course of a child's development, babies form primary bonds with the person (s) who spend most of their time nurturing and caring for them (usually the mother and child). / or the parent) and lapping and interacting often increase the secure bond.

In this context, some of the considerations within this principle (Responding Sensitively), according to the API, are:

Babies' brains are immature and significantly underdeveloped at birth, so they are not able to calm down on their own.
Through the consistent and repeated response of a loving adult, the child learns to calm down.
Understand your child's natural inner rhythms, and try to program around them.
It is perfectly normal for the baby to want physical contact constantly.
High stress levels, which can occur, for example, in prolonged crying sessions, cause the baby to experience an unbalanced brain chemical, which may put him at risk for future physical and emotional problems.
If you need extra support and / or professional help, don't hesitate to get them. Exhaustion or inability to cope with baby's needs are signs that you need it.
The outbursts of anger, also known as "tantrums", represent real emotions and should be taken seriously even if the motives seem "silly". for the adults.
Parents, during an outburst of anger, should act comforting their child, not getting angry or punishing the baby.
Older children (who are no longer babies) should also continue to be cared for by their parents. A close connection must be nurtured by respecting the child's feelings and trying to understand the needs behind his or her behaviors.
Express interest in your child's activities, and enthusiastically participate in the games suggested by your child.

Beth comments that if the baby is clearly cared for (rested, clean, fed) and still crying, it may be because she wants attention. "Try to give this attention through a lap, affection, conversation, music, play, take him for a stroller, finally, make this challenge an opportunity to be with your child fully," he says.

• To build a strong bond with a baby, you must consistently respond to their physical needs and also spend pleasant times interacting with them (meeting their emotional needs). Follow your intuition. Ignoring it from time to time can be beneficial as well. Isn't there a magic rule about how to deal with baby calls ?, adds the teacher.

4. Using affective contact

Babies are born with urgent and intense needs, and depend completely on others for their needs. In this sense, API considers that affective contact helps to meet these needs through physical contact, affection, safety, stimulation and movement.

Some of the considerations within this principle, according to the API, are:

For the child, affective contact stimulates growth hormones, improves intellectual and motor development, and helps regulate body temperature, heart rate and even sleep.
Are babies who have affective contact more likely to gain weight faster, breastfeed better, cry less? They are calmer and have better intellectual and motor development.
In cultures where the use of physical affection is widely used there are low rates of physical violence among adults.
Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, and breastfeeding and shared baths, for example, offer this opportunity.
Massages can soothe colicky babies, help a child relax before bedtime, and provide an opportunity for fun parent-child interactions.
Does carrying a baby, or using babywearing (fabric materials to keep the baby close to the body) meet the baby's needs for physical contact, comfort, safety, stimulation and movement? all of these encouraging neurological development.
Avoid abuse of devices designed to hold the baby independently, such as swings, plastic carriers and strollers.
Embrace, cuddle, cuddle and massage. These actions meet the needs of touch as much as more physical play such as fighting and tickling.
Always use games and games to encourage physical closeness.

If you can't carry it anymore your baby, how about using your creativity to ensure physical contact? Like lapping, walking hand in hand, massaging each other, bathing together, kissing and hugging, petting the face or hair (tickling), tickling and fighting? Lying in a comfortable place with your child to read a story or listen to music together? Or simply talking are great reasons for maintaining this contact ?, says Bete.

5. Ensuring safe sleep, physically and emotionally

Many parents expect their child to sleep all night, and when they don't, they tend to worry. That's because the idea of the baby having to sleep all night? it was a myth passed from generation to generation.

Attached Creation reminds babies that they have needs at night (as well as during the day); whether due to hunger, loneliness, fear, cold or heat.And that's why they need loving parents to feel safe at night too.

In this context, here are some of the API considerations:

Cosleeping is a term that refers to sleeping at a "close distance", ie the child is sleeping on a different surface but in the same room as the parent. This includes the use of cribs, Moses etc.
In the case of older children, cosleeping may represent sleeping in a separate bed in the same room as their parents, or older siblings, for example.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, according to studies, is reduced by parents who practice safe cosleeping.
Nighttime routines often help everyone relax after a busy day and establish healthier sleeping habits. Try to find the routine that works best for your child and remember that any nightly routine can take 30 minutes, or 1 hour or more.
Always remember that sleep routines change as your child grows and matures.
Always try to maintain a sense of humor and be flexible.
Help your child learn to trust his own body when he is tired by recognizing signs of tiredness. Do not force him to sleep when he is not tired, nor try to keep him awake when he is tired just to accomplish a routine.
When the time comes, ensure your child transitions to his own quiet bed. It is important for parents to respond to any feelings of fear or sadness experienced by the child.
Younger children (who have their own bed) tend to sleep better when their parents lie with them until they become very sleepy, or until they sleep. They will grow and dispense with that need when they are ready and then go to sleep on their own.
Neither Creation with Attachment nor shared bedding should discourage intimacy between the couple. Just use a little creativity, taking into account the right time and place.

6. Providing consistent and loving care

This principle addresses the importance that the consistent presence of a loving caregiver has for the baby's development and secure attachment bond.

In this context, here are some of the API considerations:

Instead of trying to adapt your child to routines that existed prior to your arrival, try creating new routines that involve the baby.
Consider, for example, taking the sleeping baby on an evening date, walking the baby in the sling, taking a trusted caregiver along for long nights or special events.
For short moments of separation, count on a trusted caregiver, your child who is bonded and who supports The Eight Principles of Creation with Attachment.
Respect your child's feelings about being ready for separation.
Understand that even older children may have difficulty with separation.
Avoid using any kind of threat to force separation, or try to prevent your child from crying.
It is extremely important that parents who separate from their children spend a very dedicated time with them after the separation.
Each child is ready for separation at different ages, but research shows that separation for longer than two nights in a row can be very difficult for children under three.
Staying in day-care centers for more than 20 hours per week can be stressful and detrimental to a child's long-term health as long as the child is less than 30 weeks old. Thus, it is preferable for the child to be at home, under the care of a parent or a trusted caregiver.

It is a fact that some mothers who need to return to work feel in doubt and wonder how they can continue to raise their child with attachment. Bete believes the way is to seek help from committed partners, available relatives or trusted nurseries. "Count on a trusted caregiver that your child is bonded with and if possible supports the API's Eight Principles of Attached Creation and knows Positive Discipline," he says.

"And, daily, when you return from work, have moments with the child of full attention, affection and showing affection, through conversations about the day and gestures of affection," adds the teacher.

I like to suggest that the mother or father have mealtime and bedtime routines, routines that bring adults and children closer together, such as the habit of putting their child to sleep, talking briefly about their day, asking the child about hers and / or read a bedtime story? Try to make at least one meal a day a time of connection with your children. Try to show interest in your child's activities, and participate enthusiastically in games directed by your child. Also try talking to your boss (if applicable) to create an agenda that maximizes both parents' time with their children ?, says Bete.

7. Practicing Positive Discipline

Parents should treat their children the way they wish to be treated.Positive Discipline is a comprehensive philosophy that aims to encourage children and adolescents to become responsible and respectful.

Positive Discipline is loving and strengthens the connection between parents and their children, while strict discipline that abuses punishment weakens this connection.

Within this idea, some of the API considerations follow:

Spreading fear into children creates feelings of shame and humiliation. Fear is seen as a factor leading to a higher risk of future antisocial behavior, including the commission of crime and substance abuse.
Studies show that beating a child can create emotional and behavioral problems.
Hard physical discipline teaches children that violence is the only way to solve problems.
Controlling or manipulative disciplines compromise trust and undermine the bond between parents and children.
It is important for parents to examine their own experiences in childhood and to consider how they can negatively impact on their child's upbringing for help if they cannot practice Positive Discipline.
Bonds of attachment and trust are formed when parents consistently and lovingly respond to the baby's needs.
Positive discipline involves the use of techniques such as prevention, distraction, and substitution to gently guide children away from danger.
Help your child safely explore the world by seeing it through his eyes, and empathize as he experiences the natural consequences of his actions.
Always try to understand the need behind your child's particular behavior.
Solve problems with your child.
Remember that children learn by example, so it is important to strive to provide a model with positive actions and relationships within the family and in interactions with others.
If parents respond to any situation with feelings of tension, anger or hurt, they can repair any damage to the relationship as long as they take time to reconnect and apologize.
Use empathy and respect, always maintaining a positive relationship.
Research on Positive Discipline.
Create an environment that provides "yes".
Avoid giving names and nicknames.
Place orders using affirmative.
Talk to your child before you intervene.
Do not make your child apologize.
Offer choices.
Be sensitive to strong emotions.

Bete points out that knowing Adlerian concepts (Alfred Adler, Rudolf Dreikurs, and Jane Nelsen) and using Positive Discipline tools and practical tips greatly help all adults involved in the education of children and adolescents. Therefore, the more we know about PD, the better we can raise our children.

The teacher suggests that parents begin by knowing five principles of Positive Discipline:

Help the child feel connection (feel that he / she belongs to the family / school and feel important).
Encourage mutual respect (firmness and kindness at the same time).
Run long term (consider what your child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about themselves and their social environment - and what to do in the future to survive and succeed).
Teach social skills and life skills (respect, caring for others, problem solving and cooperation).
Encourage children to discover their abilities (encourage constructive use of personal power and autonomy).

8. Maintaining Balance between Personal and Family Life

Parents who practice Creation with Attachment should look for creative ways to strike a balance between their personal and family lives.

In this context, here are some of the API considerations:

By being in balance, family members are better able to be emotionally understandable.
The best way to avoid feeling isolated is to look outside and build a support network in your community.
As much as the child's needs should be a priority, it is a part of what involves the family as a whole, including the needs of parents (as individuals and as a couple) and siblings (if any).
Accept the fact that having children changes things and lives in the moment.
Prioritize people over things.
Don't be afraid to say no.
Be creative in finding ways to spend time with your partner.
Set aside time just for you.
Seek help from third parties for tasks.
Take naps.
Avoid overloading your schedule.
Get out of the house.
Cultivate friendships with other parents who practice Creation with Attachment.
Mentalize mantras like? Will pass? and "is a phase".

Bete points out that mothers need to take time to take care of themselves (sleeping well, eating healthy foods, doing regular physical activity, talking to friends, etc.). "The woman should seek this balance through practices that soothe her and help eliminate the stress that can arise with raising children," he says.

? A first-time mother may become so involved in caring for her baby that she does not recognize her own needs until she is in physical or emotional distress. So it is worth remembering that symptoms of exhaustion or inability to deal with the baby's needs are signs that she needs extra and / or professional help ?, adds Bete.

5 Reasons to Join Creation with Attachment

1. Assist in the task of raising children. "These are practical guidelines that can help a lot in this complex task of raising children," says Bete.

2. Child and family benefits. Attached Creation is beneficial to children and their families from an emotional, cognitive and neuroscientific point of view. It also highlights the need for family members to maintain a balance between personal life and childcare (and family life in general).

3. Strengthening the parent-child bond. Creation with Attachment encourages, above all, strong and healthy bonds between parents and children. And this is not just limited to the period when the child is a baby.

4. Emotional maturation. With Creation with Attachment one is expected to form self-confident and empathetic children, precisely because they have been given complete emotional security.

5. It is based on serious studies. Not advice or rules? Attachment Creation conveys guidance based on serious research known to be effective in helping children develop secure connections.

Interested in the principles of Creation with Attachment? The key tip is to research more and more about the subject. The fact of including Positive Discipline as a theoretical and practical framework is what motivated me to know and recommend Creation with attachment. I recommend to all educators and parents to read the Positive Discipline of Dr. Jane Nelsen, Manole Publishing, and also to participate in courses on the subject ?, concludes Bete.

On Facebook, the Creation with Attachment group is also a great option to learn about. There you can talk to other people who follow this philosophy and clarify their doubts.