behavior
May 4, 2024
Minutes To Read: 5

Gaslighting: You May Be Manipulated

It's probably not an exaggeration to say that every woman has ever been in a situation where someone, usually a man, and more often the romantic partner (be it husband, boyfriend, or something less serious), questions the authenticity of a feminine feeling of anger, frustration or sadness about something man-made.

These questions include alleging hysteria, saying that the woman is being 'dramatic', that she is 'crazy', that there is no reason for it, and that the woman is 'defensive'. and they go in the direction of questioning a woman's own memory (when the man insists that he has said something that the woman clearly remembers has not been said).

This type of male behavior has a name and? Watch out! ? It is extremely harmful to women. His name is Gaslighting due to a movie of the same name.

Gaslighting can be described as control / curtailment violence or as psychic / verbal violence. Regarding these types of violence, the Brazilian Women Survey in Public and Private Spaces, conducted in 2010 by the Perseu Abramo Foundation in partnership with SESC, revealed alarming data: 24% of the women interviewed said they had suffered some form of violence. control / curtailment, and 23% experienced psychic / verbal violence.

These numbers may not be completely accurate, as some women do not have the courage to assume they have experienced violence. And in the case of gaslighting, it can be even worse for its subtle characteristics, which will be presented next.

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Luciana Kotaka, a psychologist and quality of life coach from Curitiba, explains that gaslighting is a behavior that aims to make someone else think they are crazy, that their perception of a fact is wrong, that they do not know what You're talking about being sick and psychotic. In a nutshell, it is to promote guilt on the partner, leading her to feel that she has no sense of reality, that situations where the person knew something or witnessed did not happen, which are hallucinations of her mind, denying her memories. Raise doubts, demean your perception of reality.

Despite being more commonly directed against women by her partners, the psychologist warns that "this behavior can also occur in other forms of relationships, such as parents and children and even in the workplace."

In this type of relationship, the abuser tends to distort, omit or even invent information, making the victim doubt his memory and sanity. It can also drive the victim away from known people, convincing her that it is the best thing to do, or that those people who were estranged were bad people.

Know the signs to identify gaslighting

There are some behaviors that, when identified early, can prevent you from falling victim to gaslighting. According to Luciana Kotaka, suspect if:

The partner always tries to make you think that you are being incoherent, that you are making up situations, seeing things where they do not exist, that you are going crazy;
Even though certain, she can feel guilty for accusing the other, believing that she may be wrong and not seeing reality;
You tend to accept aggression because you think you have triggered the other's behavior yourself;
While making sure that an object was in a certain place, the partner claims it was not, stating that it is you who is lying when you;
Begin to constantly doubt your perceptions because you are often feeling guilty or even wrong;
Your partner constantly try to deny behaviors that they actually had.

In addition to these signs, commented by the psychologist, it is important to be aware when:

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The partner insistently tries to keep you from friends and relatives, usually justifying that this is for your own good. It says you believe in other people more than in him, and you make yourself hurt;
The partner begins to say that you are hysterical, very stressed, or not joking;
He tries to justify physical or verbal aggression with arguments such as, "Did you drive me crazy?", "I was drunk?", "I would never do that to you, but I was mad with jealousy," among other similar lines. Remember you Never is responsible for any violence they engage in against you;
You constantly wonder if you are too sensitive, or if you are crazy or confused;
You are always apologizing to your partner, and justifying your partner's attitude to friends and family;
You hide negative events involving your partner from friends and family to avoid having to explain or justify;
You know there is something wrong with your relationship, but you cannot identify what it is;
You have difficulty making simple decisions without consulting your partner;
Do you wonder if you are a wife / girlfriend / person? Good enough ?;
He begins to accuse you of having a vivid imagination when you question him about the possibility that something is going on in the relationship (an infidelity, for example);
He accuses you of being jealous, possessive or demanding when in fact none of your actions lead to it;
He belittles his opinions, stating that for your own good you should not talk about a particular subject; or subjects you don't know? (even if you know);
He denies saying or promising things that you clearly remember him saying or promising;
He accuses you of having memory problems and manipulates it to make you do or accept things that you do not remember saying that you would / would accept (because you did not, in fact).

This does not mean that you will be constantly imagining that you are experiencing psychological abuse, but if you are experiencing any of the above, it is important to be aware of the manipulation.

Vogue girl Jout Jout comments in the following video some of the most recurring signs of abusive relationships, which may have aspects of Gaslighting:

What to do to break free?

If you have identified any of the signs listed above in your relationship, you may be suffering from gaslighting. If this behavior is just beginning to affect you, it will probably be easier to get rid of. However, if you are already more involved in manipulation, the situation is a little more difficult.

The psychologist Luciana Kotaka explains that it is always very difficult to get rid of manipulative behavior, because the partners adapt to the profile of the manipulator, they are people who are more susceptible to the desire of the partner. There is an idealization of the other, the victim allows the other to take the place of knowledge.

According to Luciana, in these cases, the victim needs proof of some fact that reveals that the partner is lying. And even with therapy, it is a little time consuming work, as the victim ends up doubting herself and the people around her. The psychologist's job, in this case, is to get the patient back to believing in her own perceptions and judgment.

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So if you think you might be in a situation like this, do not hesitate to seek help from family members, a trusted friend, or specialized psychological help.