Being together, sharing a cinema on the weekends, sleeping in a hug every night, being able to have a dinner for two midweek. They seem like common activities for most dating. But there are those who can't do it that way right now.
Distance relationships have a different dynamic. It is often hundreds of miles that separate the two people in love, which can scare some at once, to the point that they would rather lose the one they love than face this challenge.
As scary as it may be, being in an appointment with someone who lives in another city, state, or even country can work. Even more so in an era of social networking and chat apps that make it easy for everyone to connect.
For those who have never experienced this and are facing the dilemma of risking or not entering into this type of relationship, it is important to understand how you can face this new situation. Also, it is essential to know what the couple can do to alleviate the sense of distance and work. And especially being as happy as living in the same place.
Are you going through this situation? So this post is for you, huh? The first thing you should think about is how to approach a distance dating.
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How to face dating from a distance?
One of the first things that comes to mind when facing the chance of a distant relationship is fear. Fear of not working, how you will face the situation, not enduring longing, not knowing how to deal with this new dynamic, etc. There are so many fears that many people simply face this possibility.
The doctor in Clinical Psychology and couples therapist Adriana Nunes, points out that one of the main ones is related to jealousy. Most people believe that physical proximity prevents betrayal, which is not true. To overcome this kind of fear, good communication is critical.
And she's not just talking about constantly chatting on WhatsApp. It is really having sincere, open and honest communication. "And when I talk about good communication, does it mean that the couple's members should be honest about important things (nature of relationship, doubts, uncertainties, expectations, plans for the future?") As well as trivial matters (the day to day). each day, for example) ?, explains the expert.
This is a basic principle that should be present in all kinds of relationships, isn't it? In fact, there are several things these two modalities have in common, as Adriana explains: Communication difficulties are inherent in any kind of relationship, be it face to face or distance. Lack of support, confidence and degree of commitment also often appear.
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But how to get around it? Here comes another key issue for relationships in which the couple does not see each other constantly. "The important thing is to have complicity, closeness (albeit only emotional), support and respect," says the therapist. Moreover, trust is crucial for those who choose such a commitment.
You may have noticed that many people disbelieve the dating in which one partner lives far from the other, right? But what motivates it? According to Adriana Nunes, it is the myth that this kind of commitment would not be so serious. Or it would facilitate betrayal due to lack of physical contact, which is not true.
"Another taboo is that the distance makes the partners idolize each other, failing to see the defects of the partner," says the therapist. However, with conviviality, even through the virtual means and by telephone, they appear and it becomes possible to break this idealization, if it occurs.
An important detail is to understand that not all distance dating is the same. Because every commitment is unique, isn't it? "It is very different that you are dating someone in person and then that relationship becomes distant, than dating already begins at a distance or, in the most complex situation, the couple members do not know each other personally," explains the couple therapist.
Therefore there are no specific rules on the subject. The important thing is that if you have fallen in love with someone who is far away now and have decided to live that love, let yourself gradually discover how the dynamics between you will work so that it can work.
Also read: 7 Signs That You Are in a Healthy Relationship
5 Simple Things That Become Important When Dating Long Distance
That each relationship is unique is a fact. But there are important tips on what can be done that can help you if you are in this situation. Here are 5 simple things that can make your relationship lighter and more enjoyable from a distance.
1. Communication
Communication is essential for those who are distant from each other. This is because, as close contact is not possible, it is a way of approaching you. Adriana Nunes indicates that they talk as much as possible throughout the day without obviously interfering with their daily activities. These can be fast WhatsApp messaging, Skype or Facetime conversations, email, even handwritten letters (if you want to be romantic and vary).
However, this should be discussed between the couple and combined in the best way, so that it does not disrupt the routine of either of you or that may cause any discomfort that undermines the routine.
But what to talk about? The therapist gives the tips: Talk about all sorts of things, things that happened throughout the day (however trivial), important issues, problems, fears. The important thing is to share. And know each other's routines. This facilitates communication as well as being present, albeit from afar.
2. Do activities together, even if physically separated
When we are in a relationship we like to share some activities with our partner, right? So how about doing something similar even at a distance? The therapist points out some activities that can be done together: watching the same TV series, taking a course in photography or cooking, playing the same sport, etc.
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In addition to bringing a sense of closeness, it can serve as a way to bring common issues as well as an activity to be done when together.
3. Approach the family
In addition to demonstrating the seriousness of the commitment, keeping in touch with the couple's family, according to Adriana, will help if one party decides to move city to get closer to the other. Having the host family of the partner is essential for this change in your life.
4. Give even though the distance
Surprise is all good. And doing this when in a distance relationship is critical. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, nor have a significant date. Sometimes a simple card, flowers, book, or any other meaningful object makes all the difference ?, Adriana suggests.
This gesture, besides being a show of affection, helps you to be present in the person's life.
5. Strive to be together
Even if they get used to the miles that separate them, being close is too sweet, isn't it? So strive for that. Plan ahead for holidays, keep an eye on airline tickets, take advantage of frequent flyer programs. The important thing is to miss you whenever possible!
Taking a dating away is fully possible, even in the long run. But it takes effort, commitment, and love on both sides to make it work.
And therapist Adriana Nunes gives one last, super-fundamental tip for those who are entering this dynamic for the first time: “When you miss it, remember that sometimes it's also good to have some time just for you, which you can enjoy as you please. : hanging out with your friends or family, studying more, working hard, getting new hobbies, etc.?
So what are your fears and experiences with this kind of relationship? Tell us in the comments! Share with us everything you think about it!
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