Is it possible to forgive a betrayal?

"I was betrayed three times by my husband, and I'm very afraid that it will happen again, I can't forgive him and at the same time I'm afraid of losing him." Reader, Fortaleza CE

Forgiving a betrayal is a very difficult task, after all trust has been shaken and many questions come up: what did I do to be betrayed? What does she have that I don't have? Am I not loved?

I believe the first post-betrayal step is to get rid of the guilt, many women feel they were not? Good? enough and what for that? failure? The husband went looking for another? better ?. Well then whose fault is it?

We can say that there are two types of betrayal, when the relationship cools the tendency is to look for something that warms us, it is very common after marriage there is no more romanticism, eroticism and vanity to get ready for each other even while indoors.

In such cases, even if love exists between the two, there is a need for someone else to satisfy our desires. So it is important to remember that even though we are rational beings we have instincts and seduction and sex are part of our lives.

There are many couples in their twenties and thirties who do not have an active sex life because of work, school, chores, children, etc. Taking a moment just for the couple, trying to keep up the dialogue and trying to rekindle the flame of desire can avoid betrayal.

However, if it did happen, it is important for the couple to reevaluate the relationship and if they decide to continue the relationship we need to repair what was deficient. See, it's a continuous work, laborious and in double, no use the effort of only one. Many couples can? Survive? a betrayal, most often serving to make the relationship better.

Similarly, there is another type of betrayal where the traitor needs self-assertion and being in a relationship is not enough. Do you know that person who has a binge eating and is not satisfied with just one candy? Well, the compulsive traitor needs to feel loved and goes after it at all costs. These are people who often lacked a good family structure and who did not receive enough love and affection in childhood to grow up to be more confident adults.

As there is a lack, the person will always look for something that "plug this hole", whether in love relationships, food, games, drugs, etc. In such cases, the only person who can help her is herself. It is no use thinking that the relationship is special and that the person will change, they need professional help.

As we have seen there are two very different situations, where in the first one it is possible to rethink the relationship, forgive the failures and create a structure based on dialogue. In the other case, we are faced with an individual situation where the person cannot maintain the bond and therefore accepting to maintain a relationship in this way is above all accepting betrayal as part of the relationship.

The most important and unacceptable thing is to betray ourselves by hiding in bad relationships for fear of loneliness. So if it is to forgive, let it be to be happy.

How To Forgive When You Can’t Forget (April 2024)