Shared custody: what it means in practice and what are the advantages for the child

Shared custody, in short, gives both mother and father the responsibility for raising children, even after the breakdown in married life. Since late 2014, it's been the "rule," meaning it's the default division, unless either can't or doesn't want custody.

Célia Nilander, a professor at the São Bernardo Law School and a specialist in Civil Law, explains that joint custody was created by Law 11.698 / 08 and amended by Law 13.058 / 2014, when it ceased to be an option and became a rule. ? Thus, shared custody is ruled out only in exceptional cases. The judge should consider each case in deciding the most appropriate form of custody. But if both men and women have conditions, the first option is to split the guard ?, he says.

According to Celia, the purpose of the shared custody is to end the? Sense of abandonment? caused by the separation of the parents, thus enabling the practically daily contact of the child with both the mother and the father, and maintaining the sentimental bond between them.

The idea is also that with shared custody, the child knows that father and mother have the same weight of responsibility in their lives.

But how does shared custody work in practice? Is it really beneficial for children? Below you can clarify these and other questions on the subject.

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Guard Types

It is interesting to know first of all what types of guard currently exist:

• Shared Guard: Celia points out that, in this mode, when parents are separated, divorced or with stable union dissolution, both hold legal custody of their children. As such, parents jointly make decisions regarding their children (for example, which school they will study in, which complementary activities, etc.).
• Unilateral Guard: The legal provision is that it can only be fixed if it is not possible to share, according to Celia. Provided for in Article 1583 of the Civil Code, is that "attributed to only one parent or someone to replace it", and the judge should give custody to the parent who has better conditions to protect the rights of children and adolescents.
• Alternating Guard: according to Celia, the alternating guard provides for the alternation of residences. The son would then have two residences, staying a week with each parent, for example. It is worth mentioning that this is a modality that is not contained in the Civil Code.

Shared custody: how does it work and what does the law say?

By definition of the law, shared custody is "joint accountability and the exercise of the rights and duties of the father and mother who do not live under one roof, concerning the family power of ordinary children."

Celia points out that, with shared custody, both parents hold legal custody of their children, so they jointly make decisions regarding their children. "With this, the idea is to continue the relationship of affection already built between parents and children, while avoiding disputes that could affect the full development of the child," he says.

It is noteworthy that, for the shared custody to achieve its goal, mother and father must have a harmonious coexistence, since they will make all decisions that involve the life of the child (s) together.

Also, it is good to know that shared custody does not mean that the child should live in both the mother's and the father's house. It is even recommended that she live in one place. In this mode, what is equally divided is the responsibility for the child's life, not the place of residence. What naturally happens is a higher frequency of visits to the other parent's house, but usually the child has a fixed residence.

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Celia points out that each case must be analyzed taking into account its particularities. "Shared custody is not recommended, for example, when any parent has a disorder or addiction that could endanger the child's life," he says.

• Shared custody is also contraindicated when hostility and constant disagreement between parents, lack of dialogue etc. occur. In this case is the only custody ?, adds the expert.

Shared Guard vs. Alternate Guard

Interestingly, shared custody does not mean alternate custody, although there is much confusion between the terms.

Celia explains that in the shared custody, the minor's permanent residence will be with only one spouse. ? In the case of alternate custody, the minor should alternate housing, that is, could live a week with the mother and a week with the father. However, it is noteworthy, the judiciary is not adopting this type of guard because it has negative effects on the psychological of minors, because they do not have a home reference, because they do not fix the residence in any of the houses ?, says.

The shared custody for the child

Separation from parents is always difficult for the child. But it is possible to deal with the situation more lightly and above all sincerely.

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Aline Teixeira, clinical psychologist, graduate student in Clinical Psychology with a Psychoanalytic Approach, comments that the most affected in a separation process are undoubtedly children, since they still do not know how to deal with the various feelings that arise at this time. . "And, depending on the age group, the child can not even express them," he says.

The lightest way to deal with the situation, according to the psychologist, is? Play fair? with the son! ? Explain clearly, without masking information, children are? Sponges? that absorb the smallest details even when they are not told. It is important for parents to make their children safe about their love for them, as it is very common in a separation process for children to feel that it is their fault?

From the psychological point of view, shared custody can, in fact, favor the child because it has the welfare of the child as a priority. "And favors her in the sense that she can enjoy living with her parents equally," says Aline.

"The coexistence of children with their parents, even after separation, is extremely important for their psychic and social development," recalls the psychologist.

Some guidelines / tips are important for conducting separation and therefore shared custody in the best way possible:

• Even in shared custody, the ideal is for the child to live in only one of the houses, because the ideal is that the child does not move from one house to another, which can cause emotional distress. "Remember: What is equally divided into cases of shared custody are the responsibilities on the child's life, not the place of residence," says Aline.
• If there is a relay, that is, alternate living, the separation becomes even more difficult for the child, who may be without home reference.
• Dialogue, respect and harmonious coexistence between parents are essential in the case of shared custody.
• The mother's respect for the father, and vice versa, must transcend the times when they are in contact with the child. For example, one should never be? Talking badly? from the other to the child. This is as important as not fighting in front of the child (ren).

If there is a tip that I can leave, so that you lead this moment in the best way, it will be this: there is no standard arrangement, the best arrangement will be the one that will enable the children to have the most contact with their parents. At this delicate moment, preserve the feelings of the child !? concludes psychologist Aline.

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