A few days ago I received an email from a? Girl? from Portugal saying that his first date had ended a year ago and that he still couldn't forget his ex. There are countless examples of people who do not accept the breakup for years and who cannot follow life.
I believe the biggest difficulty is accepting that the person no longer loves us. It is quite common to hear phrases like "I did everything for him", "he won't find a better person than me", "what does she have that I don't have?", "He swore to me eternal love", etc.
It really is quite difficult, but we need to understand that a relationship (whether loving, family or friends) is made up of people with their flaws and qualities. Roughly speaking, we can say that defects are the result of all that we live.
For example, a person who has struggled with childhood, often related to a parent's lack of love, may become an insecure and sometimes unfaithful compulsive adult, trying to seek the lost love back in childhood that is impossible to rescue. What do I mean by this example?
There are no good or bad people, what happens sometimes is that we charge a person for what they cannot give us (love, affection, faithfulness, etc.). Unless this person feels uncomfortable and wants to seek help (therapy for example), he is unlikely to change.
Pay close attention to what I'm talking about, no one can change anyone, and I've seen many people believe that they have this magical power and suffer horrors afterwards. Therefore, if there has been betrayal, lies, disappointments and others get rid of that guilt, the difficulty is in the person. You can spend your life wondering and you won't find the answers.
Another important issue is the fear of loneliness. When a relationship ends the first feeling is that we will never love and be loved by anyone again. It is a tunnel simply without light. Usually this is because the couple moves away from friends and family and eventually ends up being alone.
So if your relationship is broken free from guilt and don't feed your ex's anger, unhappiness lies in who caused the harm and not in who received it. Look for new activities, a new way to work, new friends and you will realize that the beauty of life is that it is always recyclable.
If you choose to throw your sadness into a garbage bag it may take years or even decades before it disappears, but if you recycle it, you can turn what was bad into a fresh start with a thousand possibilities ahead. Being happy is a matter of choice.
RESTART by Gordon Korman (April 2024)
- Relationships
- 1,230
