“My fiance said he loved me so much and the next day we had a silly fight and he broke up. Now I know he was already with another and used an excuse to break up. I meet both of them every day in college, I don't know what to do anymore, I've thought about ending my life. Can't stand the suffering anymore? Reader, Sao Paulo SP
O end of a relationship it is always difficult, regardless of who broke up, who loves or who does not love anymore, the point is that many people have difficulty ending a relationship, it is not uncommon to find people who expect the other to end the relationship or end up on the phone, email, MSN and etc? Maybe for the ending to be? Less? sore. So why would anyone say, "I love you so much?" on the eve of abandonment? It really is hard to say, but it is very likely that love still exists, but with some modifications, that is, love may have become friendship and affection may still exist. What I am saying is that when a relationship ends there is no good (that got dumped) and bad (that got dumped), there is a person who no longer loves the other and who will use the resources he has to put a end point, whether calm or troubled, this is the way the person found to deal with the situation.
Just as some people have a harder time ending a relationship, some people have a harder time dealing with that end, that is not to say that those who suffer the most are because they love more and those who suffer the least are because they loved less, each has a reaction. (as some people feel colder than others, for example). Of course, losing loved ones can cause a lot of suffering, not just physical loss, but everything that encompassed the relationship: phone calls, routine walks, schedules, family, friends, and so on.
That is why we say that all loss is grief (in some cases the pain of separation may be greater than the pain of death) and consequently we face some phases:
1st shock: when at first we have no reaction;
2nd Denial: when we do not want to believe that the loss is real;
3rd Rage: when we blame our unhappiness on the other;
4th depression: It is the most important phase when we become aware of reality and our mistakes;
5th Acceptance: when we resume our lives and realize that we need to move on.
All these phases are normal and should be experienced, attention should only be given if this situation is prolonged, such as the case of a patient who sought therapy because she was suffering for 18 years with the end of her engagement.
If you are facing a similar situation and are unable to walk alone, look for a professional. Regardless of the love you feel for this person, your self-love has to be bigger, much bigger, especially to realize that you are suffering and need to take care of yourself. In campaign for better self esteem!
Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken | Gary Lewandowski | TEDxNavesink (January 2021)