How does it feel when you don't reach orgasm?

Sex should be a moment of union and pleasure for both men and women. For this very reason, it is very common for one to worry about the other's sexual satisfaction: she is likely to do everything to make him even more excited about the relationship, and to make every effort to make the act really special for him. your partner.

And since orgasm is the climax of intercourse, it is normal for both men and women to expect each other to "get there."

Keila Oliveira, a psychologist, sexologist, and sex therapist, points out that decades ago, orgasm was a consequence of coitus, and the main goal was reproduction.

At present, this role has been greatly reversed. Orgasm is the main objective and reproduction has become a consequence ?, says the expert.

If men were not preoccupied with women's orgasm before, today most of them are extremely concerned and seek alternatives to satisfy their partner more and more. "Men with premature ejaculation even seek help all the time to minimize their partners' complaints that they were left" in the hand, "explains the sexologist.

How do they feel?

However, although orgasm is now seen as the main goal of sex, it is a fact that many women have difficulty reaching it, which in some ways bothers men.

A survey from the Journal of Sex Research found that when women do not reach orgasm, men feel "insufficient". This is because they understand that they have a physical responsibility to encourage their partner to orgasm. And if it does not, they may begin to question your sexual ability.

The same study showed that a man's own orgasm is critical to his enjoyment of sex, but many said there was nothing more satisfying than bringing his partner to orgasm.

Keila Oliveira explains that today's sexual awareness allows them to be much more attuned to female satisfaction. ÜThat is not a rule, of course. However, I realize that many of them seek guidance on how to improve their performance for the sake of female desire and satisfaction ?, he says.

The sex therapist points out, however, that it is important to think that female orgasm is not the exclusive legacy of men. The woman should be protagonist of her own desire and seek from this partner enough complicity and intimacy for the relationship to be mutual and pleasant. Trying to know yourself and find ways to achieve orgasm is also a woman's responsibility. Can she, along with him, get help and develop sexually?

"But being more liberal in bed and being more apt for a pleasurable relationship should be a feminine goal today," says Keila.

Why do some women have difficulty reaching orgasm?

The answer to this question has two main explanations. Keila Oliveira points out, first, that this difficulty is due to the fact that women do not know each other sexually as men do. They masturbate early on and learn to get orgasmic and know mechanisms that facilitate their arrival. Do early repressed women learn to masturbate much later, are they ashamed and afraid? Are these factors conditioning this difficulty ?, he says.

Coupled with this fact, explains the sexologist, the female anatomy also makes it difficult for some women to have penetrative orgasm. "A large part can get it only by clitoral stimulation," he adds.

What to do?

As sexologist Keila has already pointed out, it is crucial that women try to know each other more and find out, together with their partner, what are the best ways to reach orgasm.

It is also necessary for the woman to exercise her own orgasm with the practice of masturbation. Does this imply proving different ways, sensations, and frequencies of movement ?, explains Keila. I always suggest Kegel exercises, which are easy to do and found in a multitude on the internet. They help to have a bigger and better pelvic region and body awareness. The golden tip is to associate masturbation with the practice of these exercises ?, he adds.

Regarding accessories, the sexologist points out that the most suitable to help women in this regard, undoubtedly, are vibrators, which allow you to experience the various vibratory frequencies, in pursuit of this precious goal. "Some types of gel also help to experience different sensations, hot and cold etc," he says.

Keila adds that the cross-legged position during penetration can also help. The important thing is to find positions where the penis can rub the clitoris more.This makes it easier to have a vaginal orgasm, added to a clitoral orgasm ?, he says.

Despite all these tips and information, it is noteworthy that having orgasm as a goal does not imply exclusive condition to define a sexual relationship. “We eventually have relationships without the presence of orgasm and this is part of the daily life of a sexually active couple. However, I always ask people whose sexual desire is low to ask how is the quality of sex and whether the frequent absence of orgasm is the generating factor of this low desire? Concludes sexologist Keila.

All of this shows how important it is for the couple to have a good dialogue. And that together, man and woman can discover the best way to reach orgasm, without hurry, without charge and without blame.

I can't reach orgasm! | Orgasm School 11 | Come Curious (May 2024)