Most people have at least one secret. After all, not everything needs / should be shared to all four winds. However, some types of information, if stored, may at some point harm the person or others.
How, then, can anyone know the difference between a secret that can be kept under lock and key that needs to be shared? The answer is not always simple, after all, each case is a case. But some points should be considered, such as:
- Is keeping this secret a nuisance that gets in the way of my life?
- "Does it hurt or can it ever harm my health / life?"
- "At some point it will inevitably be discovered?"
- "If discovered, could it harm another person's life?"
Celia Lima, a Psychotherapy specialist at Personare, comments that there is that kind of secret that someone trusts you with. “When someone asks for a secret about information that is important to their life, they are obviously trusting that you won't be telling them around. Among friends, many secrets are entrusted, but eventually serious information that endangers oneself or others must be seriously discussed: difficult to silence and, moreover, how to bear the burden of responsibility for your omission? Are there legitimate situations in which revealing a secret can prevent an evil greater than breaking a friendship ?, he says.
“If you think you won't be able to keep a secret, you better not listen to it. Because the best friend also has another best friend and thus the? Secret? stop being ?, says Celia.
"Carrying an important secret is really a burden, because you are between the guilt you are likely to feel if you reveal it, and the responsibility to bear some harmful consequence for not sharing with anyone," says the expert.
Also read: 10 Things You Should Never Tell Your Friend
“I would say secrets can be kept safely when there is an ethical-professional issue involved. Outside that realm, unless the one who keeps the secret can endure it without being painful, getting rid of the secret seems to be inevitable, both yours and someone else's secret, nor that the person comments with the driver. taxi, for example ?, adds the psychotherapist.
Anyway, which secret can be revealed and which can't? "Is your insight going to say," Celia replies.
11 Secrets You Must Reveal
Check below for examples of secrets that should not be kept, as, as relevant as they may seem, they can damage your own life or the lives of others, sooner or later.
1. Don't talk to the hairdresser that you did chemistry on the wires
It sounds like a "harmless" secret, but omitting from your hairdresser that you did chemistry on the strands when he asks if your hair is virgin can have negative consequences, especially for you, but also for him as a professional.
Believing that his hair is virgin, he can use products that will react negatively on his hair, which can cause dryness, color changes, hair loss, etc. Certainly, you will not be happy with the result, nor the professional.
2. Hide something that can endanger someone if nothing is done
If you are aware of any information that, if not shared, could put a third party at risk, feel free to ask for help.
Suppose, for example, someone confided in you that your friend's new boyfriend is an extremely violent man. As much as this person has asked you for secrecy, of course you will inevitably worry about your friend, think about her safety and well-being.
Think carefully about what you can do, if necessary, count on the people you totally trust. Surely they will help you make the best decision. (That doesn't mean going around talking to everyone about what they told you. But taking a meaningful attitude)
3. Hide a secret that will cause a lot of pain if it is discovered years later.
An adoption, for example, if not revealed, will probably one day surface, causing distress not only to the adopted person but to all family members involved.
Celia explains that there are certain secrets that come to light regardless of the wishes of those involved, and adoption is one of them. ? It is not difficult for acquaintances or family members to end up? Letting out? the fact and, fatally, the person who was adopted will know.Even if everyone keeps the secret, there is still the possibility that the adoptee has some kind of hereditary problem and realize that neither the father nor the mother have the problem, which will lead him to investigate his life in any way?
One of the consequences of discovering the secret is a breakdown of trust in these foster parents, but it can also compromise the affective and social relationships of the adopted person. She can become a shy, withdrawn and suspicious person. We all have the right to have ownership of our history! ?, highlights the psychotherapist.
“In the case of foster parents, they will be holding a kind of permanent tension, living in fear of being discovered. Of course this cannot be healthy! If parents ask family members not to disclose their adoption, they are inflicting on these people a perennial care that does not belong to them, which does not seem fair to me ?, adds Celia.
4. Hide a sexually transmitted disease from your partner
In a relationship, there can be no such secret that can seriously damage a partner's life at any time. Just put yourself in the other's shoes to realize how important an issue this is.
Firstly, condom use is mandatory. In a stable relationship, both must undergo all possible examinations in order to safely give up condoms. This demonstrates awareness and responsibility to oneself and to one another. But if, in advance and consciously, one of the two does not reveal to have an STD, is this relationship already compromised?
It is understandable that there is embarrassment in touching the subject, mainly due to the prejudices we carry, that there are feelings involved and fear of the reaction of the partner. However, it is important that these issues are addressed and overcome. Otherwise, will trust be broken sooner or later? Explains the psychotherapist.
• In cases of incurable diseases that can lead to death, such as AIDS, for example, the person may be sued for exposing the partner to risk. So hard as it is, is this a compromising secret too much to keep? Celia adds.
5. Do not tell an abortion (spontaneous or not) to the doctor
Celia comments that usually a gynecologist makes a thorough questionnaire that includes questions about abortion. Omitting the doctor's information may compromise a diagnosis or treatment, and the patient will be working against herself. Nothing is omitted in a consultation, because who knows the relevance of the information is the doctor, not the patient ?, highlights.
6. Hide or lie about your habits
Some people are unaware, but by lying to a doctor saying, for example, that they drink little, never use drugs, exercise (when they do not), among other important points, are putting their own health at risk.
When omitting important facts from health professionals, there is, in fact, no intention to take care of themselves. The provider works with patient information and expects the patient to be honest with himself. Lying to a doctor or therapist is rather lying to yourself? Celia points out.
The psychotherapist adds that anyone who intends to hide their lifestyle habits (whether from a doctor, a family member, etc.) certainly feels guilty about having them and does not want to be subjected to judgment. The most common consequences are seclusion, poor social contact, and the risk of developing some form of depression because of this isolation. The ideal would be to assume their habits or, if they endanger their health, seek help to overcome them ?, he says.
7. Hide a debt that can influence other people's lives.
Celia comments that the guiding thread of keeping such a secret is pride or even shame for not knowing how to manage finances. "The more time goes by, the bigger the debt gets and the bigger the problem," he says.
A simple example is with respect to rent and its guarantor. Is it legitimate not to tell the guarantor that the rent cannot be paid? Is it legitimate not to surrender the house because you do not want to admit that you cannot afford this rent? The sooner this question is revealed, the sooner one has the humility to acknowledge that his omission can harm other people, the sooner the solution arrives as well, ”adds the psychotherapist.
8. Don't say you don't like your partner anymore
The breakup of a relationship is usually not easy for anyone, regardless of the reason. But is it worth pursuing a relationship when you no longer like your partner?
Is this a? Secret? yours, but which involves, besides your happiness, the happiness of the other.
Celia comments that making the decision to tell your partner that you no longer love her is complex because it involves so many issues.
No one decides not to like it anymore, and that's hard to even admit to yourself. However, when the feeling is gone, the sex is compromised, the tolerance is no longer the same, fights arise for insignificant reasons and coexistence becomes unviable. At bottom, attitudes are showing that there is no love anymore and not talking about it only aggravates the situation and postpones the inevitable. Not to talk and stay in the relationship is to sign the certificate of unhappiness. Isn't it necessary to come to a limit ?, says the psychotherapist.
9. Don't talk about financial hardship when needed
Of course, you don't have to go around telling everyone you know that you're not in a comfortable financial situation. But in some cases talking about it can be important. For example, if a doctor suggests an expensive treatment and / or medication, there is no reason not to say that you cannot afford it at that time.
Or, if a close friend calls you for a trip, and urges you to be there, the best option might be to tell the truth. Thanks for the invitation, but explain that you will need to leave it for the next opportunity because you are in a difficult financial situation.
10. Do not tell that you are discouraged / depressed
Once again, it is not necessary to go screaming to the four winds that you are feeling discouraged. But when questioned, for example, by people in your family (such as your father or mother) or even by a doctor, it may be important to "reveal this secret."
In the case of the professional, he can analyze his situation as a whole, perhaps even indicating a complementary treatment with therapist.
In the case of family members, they will probably help you deal with problems and / or investigate the causes of what is not making you feel at ease.
11. Lying about your diet and nutritionist habits
There is no point in going to a nutritionist, not following the proposed dietary education properly, and returning in return with the professional saying that "you don't know why you didn't lose weight".
If you lie to a professional who is willing to take care of your health there, you are lying to yourself.
If you were unable to follow the diet, for example, because you found it too difficult and / or restrictive, pass this information to the nutritionist. He will probably be willing to find a meal plan that suits you best.
These are examples of information that, for different reasons, should not be kept secret. Your life need not be "an open book," but being honest with yourself and the people you live with is very important and, at the very least, will bring you more peace, health, and well-being.
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