There is a saying that in life no two raindrops are alike.
If even twin brothers have their own fingerprints that differentiate them, why do we have a habit of comparing ourselves to other people?
I think this is due to our culture. In our daily life, pre-established patterns of how to be and behave are set for us everywhere and at all times.
TV shows, magazines and the Internet constantly impose ideals: ideals of the perfect body, how to dress this season, the haircut of the season, how this, how that? and we often forget who we really are, inside and out.
These stimuli for children and young people are even stronger, because this is when the child is beginning to perceive himself as a biological and social human being, and to understand and value the notion of belonging to a group.
Until about 6 years old, the child is in the phase that we Pedagogues call “egocentrism”: in this period, he is focused on his own self. Therefore, ideals of being or behaving this way or that? still don't make much sense to her. She is she, simple as that.
After this phase, the child acquires the ability to think about abstract things: symbols, moral values, hypotheses, patterns.
During this time, she begins to gradually develop her own identity. Enjoy this or that style of music, this or that way of dressing, identify with certain groups in school. And this is when the idea of comparison with other people arises in the child.
Comparisons at home or at school with family and friends, as well as the media's stimulus to arouse their desire to consume, with implicit messages of "everyone has, only you will be left out", negatively favor this process.
Comparisons with other children, often even well meaning in the form of? Guidance? Parents or guardians generate an internal conflict in the child, especially because the child does not yet have his or her identity fully defined.
What is she, her feelings and desires, is confused with what is not, with what comes from outside. I venture to say that hence the so-called? Identity crisis? that many people have years later.
It is therefore very important for parents to manage this period well. Phrases like, should you follow your brother's example? or? so-and-so doesn't do it at his house? they should not be spoken to the child for any reason whatsoever and regardless of age.
In a delicate situation with the child, talk to her directly, clearly and quietly. Properly guiding is to promote dialogue with the child about what is right or wrong by reflecting on their actions and attitudes, not in the midst of comparisons of? Being better or worse? that someone.
Allow her to expose her feelings and especially to say and show that she trusts her. All of this is very important for your emotional development, your sense of responsibility, your self-esteem and understanding of each human being as unique with their potentials, needs and limits.
And the main thing: She'll understand that people make mistakes, but they may have a new chance. Always remember: if no two raindrops are repeated, then your treasure is unique.
Stop Comparing! Because It Hurts your child more (April 2024)
- Children and adolescents
- 1,230
