How to have more friends in adulthood?

"I could bear, though not without pain, that all my loves had died, but I would go mad if all my friends died." The excerpt from Vinicius de Moraes's poem reinforces the importance of friendship. But is it a fact that not all people have the circle of friendships they would like to have?

A lot of people would like to be, for example, more popular at school or college, or to have a better relationship with co-workers. Some people miss companies to go out and travel; still others want more trusted friends with whom they can talk about everything.

When there is difficulty in having friends

The truth is that there are even people who have a harder time making new friends and even maintaining a truly lasting friendship. Most of them still do not know what are the real reasons that generate this difficulty when relating to others.

Marianna Protázio Romão, clinical and professional psychologist at Personare, Jungian Theory and Practice expert and Master in Women, Gender and Citizenship, explains that, after the first moment of making contacts and having fun partners, time, circumstances and coexistence lead certain people to a deepening of the relationship, demanding to leave the social surface to the dimension of affection. At this point, it is clear which points appear in those who have the most difficulty making friends, either because of their life span or a more or less flexible personality. Among the most serious points, some people may have more difficulties because they are very critical, stiff and self-referential, that is, they take as a reference of? Ideal friend? all the time? he says.

Thus, such people simply cannot open themselves to dialogue and show difficulties in listening to each other, in accepting differences of opinion and personality. "They also find it difficult to forgive, to apologize, to know how to wait each other's time, and even to take a deeper look at their own weaknesses," the psychologist adds.

Some people even justify the difficulty in making friends with shyness. However, this trait should not be a reason for anyone to live in isolation and forfeit good times with good company. If this is really a hindrance, it is best to seek professional help to know how to deal with your feelings.

On the other hand, there are many people who, although quite outgoing, have some difficulty creating a true and lasting friendship. One cannot generalize, but one reason for this may be that some of them do not stop? to listen to others, always leaving their own reports, opinions, comments etc. take care of the whole conversation, leaving no room for the other to talk about their life, their feelings and desires.

With these and other points in mind that in one way or another may prevent a person from getting along and making good friends, here is a list of tips that can help (and much) all those who want / need to make new ones. friends.

Guidance is even for people who already have good friends, but still always enjoy making new contacts and widening the circle of friendships.

1. Be open to meeting new people

This sounds like an obvious tip, but not everyone really knows what it means to be open to making new friends.

Psychologist Marianna Romão explains that when dealing with any difficulty there are? Helpers? which can facilitate the establishment of new friendships. They are openness, tolerance of the new and the different, flexibility, as well as a constant posture of reflection. When you come across potential friends wherever you go? at the gym, at work or on a birthday - be sure to allow yourself to meet this person in the long run without prior judgment and with an open heart?

2. Recognize Diversities

By allowing yourself to meet a new person, without prior judgments and with an open heart, as directed above, you will find that they can add a lot to your life by bringing in new knowledge, varied points of view and so on.

“We can always learn from different angles of view, and most of all, we don't always have to be right or right about what to say, how to behave, how to dress or act. We are diverse and is our own diversity that enriches our relationships with each other, with the world around us and with ourselves ?, highlights the psychologist Marianna Romão.

3. Don't overlook your personality and values.

To win more friendships, according to psychologist Marianna, is the fundamental thing to be able to articulate a balance between opening to new ways of being and feeling and preserving fundamental values? This means that one should not lose what is essential.

Being flexible and excited for new people and moments does not presume to let go of your own personality and values ​​that together make you the interesting person you are. This way, you will continue to be attractive to new friends and, as the relationship deepens, will you also make concessions for the other's individuality ?, explains the expert.

4. Be a good listener

Each person has their characteristics.Some are more talkative, outgoing; others quieter and more discreet. The key, however, is knowing the right time for each action: speaking or listening.

It is very important that you open with your friends, so that they realize that in the relationship between you there is trust, but it is also essential to know the time to listen to them. This kind of "exchange" is certainly a great way to endure a friendship.

5. Connect to social networks

This may be considered a more banal tip, but it really makes a difference. Making a profile on Facebook, creating an account on Instagram or other successful social networks is a great guide, especially for those who consider themselves shy.

In social networks it is possible to maintain even daily contact with colleagues that is not seen every day, which can strengthen a relationship between two people who previously did not talk so much; meet and talk with people from your city, region or simply who have some taste in common with you; rediscover some friend from the past who, for one reason or another, you have lost touch, among many other possibilities.

In addition to all these tips, to win more friends and maintain truly lasting relationships, it is critical to understand the value of a friendship! We know that making friends is not adding friends or playmates to the phone list. Friendship is a deep feeling and built over time with those people we have more affinity ?, explains Marianna Romão.

Still according to the psychologist, friendship is built through dialogue, mutual trust, sharing good and bad moments and, finally, the feeling of brotherhood. This feeling includes accepting that, as well as between brothers, there will also be moments of disagreement, competition, lack and isolation among friends. Yes, even among the best friends, it is necessary to grant / set boundaries so that the relationship is maintained without invading each other's spaces, all for the sake of mutual affection ?, concludes expert Marianna Romão.

The above tips are very useful for those people who need to win more friends. But, also, important to all, to reassess their friendships and always do their part to keep them strong!

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