What every social individual wants is to be accepted and esteemed in groups and relationships. And within this process the possibility of rejection will always be present. Each person does this work constantly: accepting, accepting, absorbing, or rejecting, turning away, ignoring. This movement is as natural as human relationships and thus the individual creates his identity, always from choices.
There is no unanimity. In human nature there will always be colors, tastes, experiences, and people that will please one person more than another. The problem is that we have a fantasy that our desire for the other should create a corresponding and irresistible attraction ?, explains Frederico Mattos, psychologist and author of the blog about life.
Being rejected usually directly undermines self-esteem. The negation of a person to whom you have given your best causes certainty in your qualities to be weakened. The point is that this is not always a rational or even personal process, as Frederico clarifies:
• Rejection may come from conscious or unconscious aspects, such as someone who refers backwards and disgusting feelings from a long time ago, the physical way or appearance may arouse unclear memories in the other that cause this disconnection. Would forcing the bar be a two-way aggression?
There is no escape. Everyone goes through rejections at some points in their lives. Whether at school, with friends, at work or lovingly. Do not win the expected promotion, or the invitation to that party or the call of the lover. The difference is in how one deals with rejection.
Also read: 10 Things About Relationships You Only Learn by Suffering
8 steps to deal with loving rejection
1. Separate rejection from rejection
Rejection is just a kind of someone's criterion about someone else, which may happen to be you: It's not personal, even if it seems, because she doesn't have full control of who she's going to like. The other may be a good and desirable person, but for that one it has no impact ?, illustrates Frederico Mattos.
2. Exercise self-esteem
Do not allow yourself to forget your value and your qualities. It's not because one person didn't like you that everyone else won't like you. Self-esteem is often related to loving acceptance and one has to evaluate very well what really needs to change and what is just the opinion of the other.
3. Respect mismatch
“Some people have a hard time tolerating unrequited, as if this were a personal attack. It is as if the target of your passion is bound to respond positively to your feelings. Even in a long-term relationship, lives and personalities can take different directions, and what initially motivated the union gets lost along the way?
4. Face the sadness
Accept to deal with sadness and understand that those hopes will go through a natural process of dilution until they recover. Running away from pain is just a way to prolong the process.
5. Follow your own life
Psychologist Frederico Mattos suggests: "Redirecting that desire, love, and affection to other healthy sources, such as warm, loving people, is a good way to slowly gain emotional nourishment without the pressure for new loving attempts."
Also read: 4 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Filing For Divorce
6. Keep moving
Exercise and enjoyable activities have the power to make you look at life from another angle and break out of the spiral of suffering. More than a tip, take it as a rule: no being alone at home crying or martyring. Make an effort and move? this will definitely help air the ideas.
7. Make a better selection in the future.
According to Frederico, a self-analysis work is also critical: • Rethink your own criteria to understand if the people you fall in love with are often unavailable or inaccessible. Try to understand if there is an effective willingness to be loved or if deep down you are just creating a cycle of rejection?
8. Reverse the positions
Remember that time you also rejected someone nice? You have probably been in a situation where a person who looked interesting didn't touch you deeply. Rescuing this situation will possibly help you realize that these things, unfortunately, happen.
What not to do when rejected
No one can go through a rejection and feel nothing.And that would not even be advisable, because every fall along the way has at least something good, which is learning. It may take some time for you to compose yourself and there is no problem with that. But some self-destructive attitudes may appear and must be observed and avoided:
- Mull over facts and events trying to find culprits or errors;
- Isolate from friends and social life;
- Desire revenge if you feel it is the other person's fault;
- To criticize or punish oneself for being rejected;
- Telling the story to everyone in an attempt to poison others' perceptions of who rejected it;
- Seek other people early so as not to feel the negative impact of the loss.
Easy is not really, but the fact is that rejection will always appear one day. Take the opportunity to learn more about human processes. Realize that you have already rejected it and it was not because something was missing or someone else was wrong, but because it simply did not mess with you. The best of life is that it can always be restarted, so focus more on yourself and move on.
Also read: 10 questions every couple should ask themselves before the? Yes?
The surprising truth about rejection | Cam Adair | TEDxFargo (April 2024)
- Relationships
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